One is very crazy when in love
by K.C.Dragonfly
Summary: Grissom oversteps a line between protecting someone and invading their privacy. When Catherine enters the equation sparks fly, but can they put asside their fight to help a lost soul? Title from Mr Sigmund Freud himself
1. Chapter 1

**Merry (belated) christmas and Happy New year :)**

**Disclaimer: Santa failed this year, i still don't have them **

**x x x x**

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Sir."

Catherine hated saying that. She knew from bitter experience that those words did nothing to ease the pain of losing a loved one and they always left a sour taste in her mouth. And this man had just lost his daughter. There were not enough words in the world...

X x x

"Stephanie was ... dealing with a lot." Dr Bonner said, choosing his words carefully. "She was a young woman with a lot of problems."

"Such as?" Grissom asked, leaning back in his seat.

"Schizophrenia, ADHD, paranoia. She was one of my more difficult patients."

X x x

"Steph was ... she was difficult." Mr Adams swallowed hard. "She'd never been quite right, ever since ... since her sister died."

"Could you be more specific?" Catherine pressed gently.

"Carla. She died six years ago. Steph ... she took it hard. That's when all of her problems started. The doctors say a traumatic event can trigger these things." He explained sadly, fighting back tears. "My wife, she couldn't handle her anymore. The stress, it got to her. She left a year after Carla...after the accident." Cath sighed. This line of questioning was not going to end well so she changed tack.

"I know this must be hard for you, but I need your help to understand your daughter's state of mind at the time she died." She said softly. He looked up slowly. The tears were still glistening but there was an unwavering hardness to his voice that had not been there before.

"My daughter was not suicidal."

X x x

"You think she committed suicide."

"Do you?" Grissom countered. Dr Bonner pursed his lips.

"At our last meeting she was detached, dissociative. She barely made eye contact ... and she only seemed to want to talk about her sister."

"And this was unusual for her?"

"She never spoke of her sister before. If I ever brought up the accident, she got angry."

"The accident?"

"Carla Adams drowned when she was 9. Stephanie was 11 at the time; she was the only person who witnessed it. They had been skating on a frozen lake at their holiday home. The ice broke, Carla fell through."

"And Stephanie never talked about this."

"Never." Grissom pouted thoughtfully.

"So then, that must have been a breakthrough." He suggested, but Dr Bonner's expression did not seem to agree.

"She had been making progress, learning to talk things through. And that day, she just seemed to have shut down. It was like she wasn't talking to _me_ at all. This was a major step back."

X x x

"She'd been doing so well. She wouldn't have done this." He sobbed. Catherine's heart went out to the man; time and stress had obviously robbed him of all strength, but she could tell he had once been an attractive man in his youth. Probably a doting father and husband. It never ceased to amaze her how in such a short space of time a person's world could fall apart at the seams.

X x x

"Now, I know I had her file somewhere. Just one second..." Grissom rolled his eyes. So far the doctor had been very helpful, but his decidedly unkempt office was not helping right now, and he wanted to get back to PD to find out what Catherine had learnt from the decedent's father. "Hold on!" The doctor exclaimed, making Gil jump. "I think I had it in the copier room, I'll be right back." The man scuttled out, leaving Gil alone in his office. The entomologist glanced around, taking it in, reading him. The paintings on the walls, all contempory expressionist, the soft tones of a classical melody drifting from an old record player in the corner of the room and the old books lining the shelves all suggested he was a connoisseur of the fine arts. The bottle of red wine peeping out from the desk drawer supported this, among other things.

The files scattered disorderedly across his desk suggested he was an untidy cretin.

As his careful blue eyes cast lazily over the files, one name in particular jumped out at him. Without thinking, he grabbed it and turned the manila cover to the first page, all thought of confidentiality out of the window.

He barely got three words in before the door clattered open and Dr Bonner stumbled back in waving a folder of his own.

"Found it!" He beamed gleefully. Grissom hastily stowed the stolen file on his lap, out of sight, and accepted the victim's with a guilty smile.

But 17 year old Stephanie Adams, her blood still staining the bottom of a stairwell in a grungy downtown apartment block, was the last person on his mind right now.

**x x x x**

**Leave a review, let me know what you think :) x**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

In the end he didn't go to PD. He didn't even go to the lab. He went home, and pondered. Yes, the case of Stephanie Adams had been playing on his mind, but right now there was something else bothering him. And it was sat innocently on his desk. Staring at him. Taunting him.

He tried to shake it off, but the thought wouldn't leave him alone.

All night he tried to put it out of his mind, but as he stood in front of his sink, brushing his teeth, he saw something in his own eyes. His deep blue eyes, boring into his own skull in the bright reflection. His bathroom light swung aimlessly behind him, casting shadows on his worn out face. What had he done? He was a thief. And he had broken so many confidentiality rules he didn't dare count. His own face, staring back at him through the toothpaste-stained and watermarked mirror, told the tale of his guilt. He dropped his toothbrush back into the glass perched on the sink and rinsed his mouth out. He splashed cold water on his face, but that was not enough to wash away the shame etched into his features. With a sigh and a final glance into his eyes, he smacked the light off and stormed up to his desk, grabbing the folder in his shaking hands. They hovered over the trashcan, but before he could let go he faltered. He had resisted the urge all night. But now, despite the voice in his head telling him no, he gave in. Slowly his fingers tightened around it, and with a will of their own they turned to the first page.

Scribbled in typical doctor scrawl, several words jumped of the page at him:

_Schizophrenia_

_Abuse_

_Neglect_

_Murder_

_Rape_

_Self-harming_

_Suicide..._

X x x

"Stephanie Adams' sister died 6 years ago." Catherine's voice infiltrated his thoughts as she fell into step with him in the corridor.

"I know. She fell through ice while skating on a frozen lake."

"Right, well according to Brass it was a pretty clear cut case, but I spoke to the vic's GP and apparently she suffered night terrors and delusions after her sister's death. She blamed herself."

"She was 11. There was nothing she could have done." Grissom frowned.

"Well, maybe there was. I reviewed the case history; Carla Adam's fell through ice, at the edge of the lake, where the water is at its shallowest. Stephanie was stood on the edge, on solid ground. She could easily have pulled her sister out."

"Maybe she was in shock." Grissom pointed out.

"Well, Stephanie's father said she was never 'quite right' after her sister died, but according to her school records her problems went deeper than that. From the word go she was in trouble for fighting, bullying, stealing...you name it. She was described as antisocial and hostile."

"So you're saying the accident wasn't an accident?"

"No. Maybe. I'm just saying ... maybe Stephanie's delusions weren't the product of shock, maybe it was a guilty conscience."

"Good." He nodded absently. "Go fill the team in." She stopped in the hall and watched him disappear with bafflement.

"Well, where are you going?" She called after him, but her plea fell on deaf ears.

X x x

With a sigh he fell into his chair and wiped a hand across his face tiredly. His eyes drifted automatically to his desk, where they seemed drawn like a magnet to that damn file. The words had echoed around his head all day, and he couldn't seem to get them to stop. He knew he had done wrong, but it was too late to go back. So what now?

He needed a second opinion.

And he knew exactly who to turn to.

X x x

She dropped unceremoniously into her chair. This case was getting more and more complicated by the second and Grissom was being of no use whatsoever.

She sighed and went to open her laptop, only to find a manila folder lying inoffensively atop it. Even without her glasses on she recognised the stamp across the front as belonging to a counselling and psychiatry office.

"Finally." She huffed. She had been waiting for Grissom to inform her of what he had found out from the victim's counsellor. She opened it to the first page, put her reading glasses on and sat back.

X x x

And what interesting reading that file had made. A lot of things had started to fall into place, and Catherine had just about got the young victim figured out, until things stopped making sense.

Right around the time the victim's father, the same aggrieved father she had been talking to just yesterday, had been murdered on the her ninth birthday.

**x x x x**

**:) Feel free to review! And Happy New Year All!**


	3. Chapter 3

"What the hell is this?"

Grissom jumped as the file landed abruptly on his desk. He glanced up, coming face to face with two icy blue eyes.

"I saw the shrink yesterday." He stated quietly. She just blinked at him.

"This is Sara's file." Catherine pointed out.

"I know." She shook her head at his vague, unhelpful responses. She closed his door and turned back to him, hands on her hips.

"Okay. Why do you have it?" She asked. "Or, better yet, how did it end up on _my_ desk?"

"It was just sitting on his desk, right in front of me."

"So ... what? You took it?"

"Yes." He agreed calmly. She blinked again.

"You took her file?" He nodded. "You...you...you took her file!" She stammered, waving a hand at him absently.

"I didn't think." He explained sheepishly, sinking back into his seat to put more distance between himself and the irate woman.

"You don't say." Catherine snapped sarcastically. "Please tell me you did not read this." She said, tapping it lightly with her fingertip. The look on his face was answer enough and her blue eyes widened impossibly further. "Gil!" She exclaimed. "You ... I..." for the first time in her life she was utterly lost for words.

"You read it too." He pointed out.

"I didn't know it was hers." She barked, running a hand through her hair.

"That's not the point." Grissom frowned, shaking his head. "The point is what are we going to do about it?"

"We? _You're_ going to take it back." Catherine said obviously, nudging it towards him.

"I mean about what's in it." He clarified. "You read it. Sara obviously needs help."

"Which is probably why she's seeing a counsellor." Cath pointed out, sitting down wearily in the soft faux leather chair opposite the desk.

"So you're suggesting we just leave her to it? Ignore what she's going through?" Grissom asked incredulously. Cath sighed, leaning forward and resting her hands on her knees.

"Gil, we can't help her with something we're not supposed to know about. If she wanted our help she would have told us." She could tell by the look on his face that he wasn't listening. "No!" She called, getting his attention.

"What?" He asked innocently.

"You are not going to breathe a word to her about this."

"Catherine, she needs..."

"She does not need to know that you went snooping through her private life." She cut him off.

"I did it to help her." He scowled.

"You are in a position of authority over her Gil. Do you have any idea how much of an abuse of power this is? She trusts you Gil, if she knew that you had done this, she'd never speak to you again. Do you want that?" His sullen silence was answer enough. "We will keep a closer eye on her, but other than that you will stay out of her personal life." She ordered calmly, ensuring with her tone that there was no room for argument. With a final warning glare of distaste, Catherine stood up and made to leave. "Oh and Gil," she called from the doorway, "first thing tomorrow you are returning that file to her counsellor."

X x x

He didn't return the file. And neither did he leave Sara alone.

For the next three cases in a row he paired himself with Sara and purposefully put Catherine on a different case, a fact which did not go unnoticed by the blonde.

"Is this a ploy to get her alone so you can talk or are you just worried I'm going to blab?" She called him out on it one day when she finally managed to corner him in the layout room.

"I don't know what you mean." He stated dryly, never taking his eyes off the graphic photos laid out before him.

"Oh don't give me that, you know exactly what I mean. Whenever Sara and I so much as look at each other you whisk her off on another case."

"I'm just trying to look out for her, like you said." He pointed out.

"And you think this is the way to do that?"

"I'm keeping her close by, that way I can keep an eye on her." He explained slowly, condesendingly.

"Yeah, on a domestic abuse case." Cath added bluntly. "I read that file too Gil, you really think this is helping her? By forcing her to deal with images like these?" She tapped the photos. Gil's expression changed, indicating that he hadn't considered that. "You know as well as I do that she does not handle these cases well. And this is about as bad as they get," she sighed, looking sadly at the nearest photo; a little girl's battered and bruised body. "I know you want to keep her close to you, but we can keep an eye on her too you know. Just ... do what's best for her, not what's best for you."

He nodded absently, watching her walk away, as her words started to form an idea in his mind.

X x x

"So, I ran the prints through AFIS, no hits; but I did get a hit off the military database." Mandy opened the file and showed Catherine the printout. "Andy Kiefer. Sent home from the front line to recover from a leg injury. About 3 months ago he went AWOL."

"Well I think we just found him. Thanks Mandy." Cath smiled, turning to leave.

"Hey Catherine," Mandy stopped her. "Is everything alright between you and Grissom?" Catherine raised an eyebrow. "It's just, I heard you guys arguing in the layout room earlier, I just wondered if..."

"Oh, everything's fine." Cath assured her, waving a hand. "Grissom's just being Grissom."

As if he had heard his name, the man appeared.

"Catherine," he called and she spun on her heel. "My office please."

Cath elicited a growl of frustration and muttered something under her breath that Mandy couldn't help but smile at. She nodded her thanks to the lab tech again as she reluctantly trudged after the Bugman.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for the reivews so far, keep 'em coming :)**

**x x x x**

"Whatever it is I am ..." Cath stopped mid sentence as she entered his office behind him, her eyes dropping to the chair in front of his desk and onto "Sara?"

"Hey Cath?" Sara said slowly, looking as puzzled as the blonde. Cath, however, caught on quick. She flicked her gaze up to meet Grissom's.

"Gil, can I see you for a moment?" She asked calmly through gritted teeth.

"No." He answered simply. "Close the door please."

"Gil." She tried again, more forcefully this time, but he blatantly ignored her, making himself comfortable behind his desk. With another growl she closed the door.

"Sara," He began gently, fixing the confused brunette with a soft gaze. "There's something we need to talk to you about." He paused, debating about how to say the next bit. "Catherine and I know that you've been seeing a counsellor." Sara's dark eyes widened and she opened and closed her mouth, but no sound came out. "We got this..."

"_You_, Gil; you got it." Catherine interjected, pacing by the door like a caged tiger. Sara glanced up at the blonde with a soft frown etched into her features, but Cath couldn't bear to meet her eyes.

"_I_ got this," he corrected, "from Dr Bonner." He placed the file carefully on the desk in front of her. She stared at it hard for a long moment.

"Dr Bonner lost my file." She mumbled softly.

"He didn't lose it." Catherine countered. Sara looked up at her again, wide-eyed, and back to the file. Slowly she rose her gaze to meet Grissom's eager expression.

"You took it?" She asked, her quiet voice brimming with confusion.

"Yes. I..."

"Did you read it?" She interrupted, reaching out a tentative hand to lightly graze the cover.

"Yes." He nodded.

"And you?" She looked up, and even in the dim light Catherine swore that she could see the hurt buried in Sara's hazel eyes. She took a deep breath and nodded. For a moment no one spoke, giving Sara chance to absorb this information.

In a rare display of humanity Grissom reached a hand across the table, intending to rest it on Sara's, but she pulled hers away.

"Sara, we know this..." He began softly, but his actions seemed to have awoken something within her and she was on her feet in an instant, stumbling backwards until her back hit the shelf. Catherine stepped forward, instinctively reaching out to steady Sara before she fell, but the brunette wrenched her arm out of reach.

"Sara..." Cath started, but it was too late. The girl was out of the door before she could say anything else. Catherine followed her into the hall, but no one was stopping Sara now. A blaze of light glimmered off the front door, illuminating the deserted reception just for a second as Sara disappeared into the dawn light.

All Catherine could do was sigh and shake her head.

X x x

"What the hell is the matter with you?" She snapped, marching back into the office where Grissom was poised on his feet behind his desk. "What did I tell you?" She stopped opposite his desk, hands on her hips.

"I was just trying to help..."

"No you weren't, you didn't do this for her you did it for yourself." She flicked her blonde hair back angrily.

"I was..."

"You were trying to clear your conscience. Make up for stealing her file by playing therapist."

"I care about her Catherine." Grissom shouted.

"So do I." she hissed. "But this was not the way to help her. I told you to leave it out!"

"And what? Let her carry on dealing with this by herself."

"She was seeing a counsellor Gil. She was dealing with it in her own way."

"I did what you asked, I put her first!" He snapped.

"Well she seemed real grateful, Gil. Maybe next time you could tie her down and force feed her; fix her eating problems." He dropped his head, ashamed. "I told you to leave her be. And I could have sworn I told you to take that file back!" His expression turned sheepish as she turned to leave. Mirroring the fight a few days earlier, she stopped in the threshold and turned to send him a final shot. "Maybe next time you'll listen to me."

X x x

Brass hopped out of his car, tilting his head back to let the early morning sun shine down on him, just for a second, before walking back into the world of death. As he made his way slowly across the empty parking lot, no hurry in his walk this morning, his trained eyes reached the front steps long before he did.

And what he saw made him run.


	5. Chapter 5

**Back at uni! Time for an update x**

**x x x x **

Catherine stropped out of the office, letting the door swing idly on purpose. However, she did not get far.

"Catherine," She turned, eyes wide at Jim Brass' slightly panicked voice. The detective was making his way across the reception, one arm around a bloodied brunette.

"Jim, what happened?" Cath asked, instinctively reaching a hand out towards her colleague.

"I found her sat on the steps, says she fell." Sara was avoiding all eye contact, staring resolutely at a spot on the floor. Dark red blood covered her jaw, streaking down her neck and staining her cream shirt.

"My God." Grissom whispered, having appeared beside Catherine after hearing the commotion. Upon hearing his voice Sara flicked her eyes up and yanked her arm free from Brass' grip. He tried to regain his hold on her but she stepped away. Before he could say anything Catherine intervened.

"It's okay; I'll take care of it." She said softly, grasping Sara's sleeve lightly.

X x x

"For the record, this never would have happened if you weren't running away from me." Catherine pointed out, flicking her eyes up briefly before turning her attention back to the damp cloth in her hands.

"I wasn't running away." Sara responded moodily from where Catherine had placed her on a stool.

"No? What would you call it then?" She asked with a raised eyebrow, dabbing the cloth carefully on the graze that had replaced most of Sara's jaw line.

"Speed walking." Cath chuckled dryly, shaking her head. She dipped the cloth back in the bowl of warm water on the counter next to them and replaced it on the wound. Sara didn't flinch, barely even moved, but her grazed and dirt covered hands clenched into a fist in her lap.

X x x

"So, you want to tell me what I've missed?" Brass huffed, following Grissom back into his office once the girls disappeared.

"What do you mean?" Grissom frowned, sitting down. Brass chuckled dryly.

"Come on, Gil, I saw that look between you and Cath. You two had a fight?"

"No." Grissom sulked.

"So, what? You and Sara? Or her and Sara?" he pressed, making himself comfortable in the chair opposite the desk.

"No one's fighting." Gil snapped tiredly.

"Look, all I know is Sara took a nosedive down the front steps and she wouldn't look either of you in the eye. So, are you gonna tell me, or do I have to drag it out of her?" He quirked an eyebrow. Grissom didn't answer, didn't even look up. He just nudged the file towards the detective.

X x x

"Why'd you do it?" her voice was quiet and if Cath hadn't been stood leaning over her at the time she would have missed it.

"Well, if you hadn't run off, I would have told you." Sara glanced up, meeting her gaze and Cath sent her a half smile. "I didn't know that file was yours Sara, I never would have read it if I did." The brunette frowned, visibly sceptical. Cath dropped the cloth she had been using onto the counter and rested her hands on Sara's knees, holding her gaze. "We were investigating the Adams' case, it appeared on my desk. I assumed it was the victims." She explained. "I only realised it was yours when things stopped making sense. And I stopped reading there I promise." Sara searched her eyes, seemingly searching for the truth, before she dropped her gaze into her lap.

"How far did you read?"

"What does it matter?" Catherine asked, shrugging.

"I want to know." With a sigh Cath met her eyes again.

"Your father's death."

Sara looked away.

X x x

"You took it? What, just slipped it into your coat?"

"I was worried about her."

"Yeah, but this ... I've got to tell you Gil, this is a pretty big invasion of privacy." Brass sighed. "And you know that Sara is quite protective of that. You ... did Catherine read it too?" he queried. Grissom bit the inside of his cheek.

"She thought it was Stephanie Adams'."

"Ah, so that's why you guys were scrapping. And ... what? Sara found out, took off and ... fell?"

"I wanted to talk to Sara about it. Catherine thought we should leave it. When I told Sara, she got upset and ran off."

"Yeah, face first down a set of concrete steps."

X x x

"Sara, I..."

"Don't." she stopped her. "I don't want pity." The dark look in her shadowed eyes and the haunting truth in her trembling voice stopped Catherine from arguing. Silently, she picked up a clean cloth and doused it in a liquid from a glass bottle. Sara watched her actions suspiciously from her seat.

"This might sting." Cath warned as she brought it up to her face, but Sara pulled away. Using her free hand Cath held her head steady but Sara continued to struggle. Her eyes were wide and fearful as she twisted away, instinctively biting her bottom lip. Catherine frowned, trying and failing to touch her with the cloth. "Sara!" She chastised, which only made the brunette fight more. Giving up, she dropped it and gripped Sara's arms. "Hey, what are you doing?" She asked, trying her best to keep her voice non-judgemental. Sara just shook her head, her mouth still firmly closed. Cath's gaze shifted from her eyes to her mouth, where her lips were turning red. "You're bleeding." She said, startled. She grabbed the dampened cloth and gently pressed it against the side of Sara's mouth. "What has gotten into you tonight? You suddenly turned masochist on me?" She asked, half-joking. Sara didn't answer, but then Cath hadn't expected her to.


	6. Chapter 6

**x x x x **

Having given up with the ethanol, Catherine cleaned and dressed her hands, now wrapped in stark white bandages. She carefully taped a piece of gauze to Sara's jaw, much to her distaste, and began cleaning away the 'medical supplies'.

"Hey, pack that in." She chastised from across the room when she spotted Sara pulling mindlessly at a loose thread. She picked up Sara's hand and cut the thread off the bandage before she could unravel it further.

"Thank you." Sara mumbled quietly, keeping her gaze low. Catherine scrutinised her for a moment. She wanted to say something to her, anything to make her feel better, but she didn't know what. The girl had obviously been mistreated in the past; betrayed by the people she was supposed to trust, Cath knew that much from what she _had_ read and there was a lot she hadn't.

And now the one person she trusted the most had betrayed her further. What do you say to make that better?

In the end she said nothing. She merely took Sara's bandaged, bruised hand loosely in her own.

"Come on. I'll take you home." She said softly.

"It's okay, I drove." Sara mumbled, not moving. Cath fixed her with a disapproving look, tugging her hand lightly until Sara looked up.

"No offence honey but I don't trust you behind the wheel of a car right now." She pointed out with a half smile. To her surprise Sara matched her expression and nodded.

X x x

"You gonna show that to the whole lab? 'Cause I'm sure Hodge's would love to read it." Grissom and Brass both turned to the door at Catherine's voice. She had only come in to tell Grissom she was taking Sara home and her eyes had automatically landed on that damn file again. The file currently sat in Brass' hands.

"I haven't read it." The detective said, placing it on the desk. She nodded imperceptibly to indicate she believed him and turned her attention to the other man staring at her.

"I'm taking Sara home. I won't be back tonight." Having said all she needed to she turned to leave but his voice held her.

"Is she alright?" She turned, facing them again.

"She'll live." She answered vaguely.

"Tell her I'll call her later."

"No you won't." she argued calmly. "And she won't be at hers anyway, I'm taking her to mine." This piece of information seemed to startle Grissom.

"Why?"

"She hit her head Gil, I'm not leaving her alone." Cath answered obviously.

"Oh, right." He nodded. "Well, what about tomorrow?"

"I'll worry about tomorrow when it comes." She called over her shoulder, drifting back into the hall.

She got half way down the corridor when Brass appeared at her side, puffed from jogging to match her strides.

"Hey, seriously. Is she okay?" He asked. Cath's features softened.

"Yeah, a little shaken I think but she'll be alright."

"Good, good." He nodded. "When I found her out there, just sat on the steps, blood all over her ... she just seemed out of it. Like she barely heard me at all."

"She probably didn't." Catherine sighed. "Jim, you know what he did. Do you think I'm overreacting?" She asked, turning to him outside her office. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sara, waiting patiently inside, turn and watch them through the closed door. Brass laughed dryly.

"Well, come on we both know Gil, and we know he only had her best interests at heart." He began. "But, put yourself in her shoes. If you'd been through whatever kind of hell she grew up in would you want everybody knowing?"

"No." Cath sighed. "I just ... I want to help her, I really do. But, how do you help someone who doesn't want it?"

"Cath," He said, fixing her with that trademark look, "you are helping her. Why else would she have stayed put?" He nodded towards the closed office, where the brunette remained in the seat that Catherine had left her in. Cath laughed softly, staring at Sara through the once-cream slits of the blinds on the other side of the glass. She looked so helpless right now, with her bandaged hands, battered face and sad, depressed expression. Brass smiled at the affectionate gaze in the blonde's eyes as she observed their young colleague.

It was no secret that Brass was very fond of the feisty young CSI, but only he had long ago spotted the maternal spark that flashed in Catherine's eyes whenever Sara was around.

Deciding that was his cue to leave, he stepped up to Catherine so only she could hear him.

"Gil can steal as much information on her as he likes, but you're the only one who stands a chance of getting through to her." His message received, if not fully understood, he ambled off, leaving Catherine to take her new Charge home.


	7. Chapter 7

"Hey Doc." Grissom sighed, running a hand tiredly through his greying hair as he pushed through the heavy door to the morgue.

"Gil." Doc Robbins nodded, not looking up from his paperwork.

"I'm having a crisis. I need your opinion." Grissom said, ambling over.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain young brunette would it?" Al asked, still not looking up. Grissom froze where he was, eyes wide with surprise. He turned to glance over his shoulder, as if expecting to see someone else, but it was just the two of them.

"How did you know?" He asked, turning back to the coroner.

"Catherine told me." Al replied, dropping his pen on the desk and heaving himself up. Grissom's expression betrayed his lack of surprise at being grassed up by the blonde. "She wanted my advice on concussions. I hear Sara took a fall earlier." He continued, walking around Grissom to rifle through some more papers, scattered helplessly around the room.

"Yes, she fell on the front steps." Gil nodded.

"She also told me about the file." Al still hadn't made eye contact with Grissom as he made his way back to the desk. Grissom looked down at his shoes for a moment.

"That's what I wanted to ask you about." He sighed. For the first time, Doc Robbins looked up.

"Gil, if you're looking for someone to back you up you're in the wrong place." He stated bluntly. "You took a confidential file, without permission, and passed that information on to others with no right to do so."

"I'm not looking for support," Grissom said, having already conceded that he wasn't going to get it. "I just need to know what to do next."

"You want my advice?" Doc asked. "Leave Sara alone."

"I can't just..."

"She doesn't want your help Grissom and the more you try to reach her the more you will push her away." He sighed. "Look, she's with Catherine right? So she'll be fine."

"Al, she's got an eating disorder, she's self-harming. She's damn near suicidal!" Grissom near-shouted, getting agitated. Doc stayed calm, fixing him with a serious look.

"Do you really think Catherine's going to let her get away with anything like that? Do you think she'd stand back and watch Sara hurt herself?" He asked. "If you ask me, that girl is in the best place she could be right now." Grissom still didn't look convinced so he continued. "Hey, you know how much Sara likes her privacy. You violated that, you broke her trust. You need to fix that before you try to help her with any of her problems, whatever they might be." He held Grissom's gaze firmly. "Before you do anything, you need to make amends."

X x x

"Are you hungry?" Catherine asked as she escorted an exhausted looking Sara into the lounge.

"No." The brunette mumbled.

"Will you eat anyway?"

"No." Cath sighed. She'd tried, but by the looks of Sara she didn't have enough energy to eat anyway. Depositing her on the couch, she helped the girl to slide her jacket off. As she did so, Sara's sleeves rode up, revealing something that Catherine had somehow missed back at the lab.

"What's that?" She asked. Sara frowned at her, puzzled. Cath gripped her arm, lifting it up and pulling the sleeve up further. She felt Sara stiffen beneath her touch so loosened her grip slightly. Her right elbow was grazed and coated in dry blood.

"It's fine." Sara muttered, trying in vain to get her arm back.

"Do you have any more?" Cath asked, getting little more than a shrug in response. "Sara?" she pressed forcefully. Reluctantly, Sara lightly touched her hip. Cath crouched down and inched her shirt up, sucking in a breath at the graze peeping out from under Sara's jeans waistband. "Strip." She ordered. Sara blinked at her.

"I'm sorry?"

"Clothes off." Catherine spelt it out for her; standing up, hands on hips. Sara continued to stare at her with wide eyes. "I can remove them myself Sara." She threatened with a raised eyebrow when the brunette didn't move. With a blush creeping onto her cheeks, Sara stiffly removed her t-shirt. Catherine helped lift it over her head, careful not to hurt her further. When it was clear that that was all Sara planned on taking off, Cath dropped back onto her knees and undid the button on her jeans, inching them down to see the graze better. "Take them off." She instructed. This time Sara didn't argue. But she didn't exactly look thrilled either as she slid her dusty jeans down her long legs. Cath disappeared upstairs and returned with a first aid kit. Sara inwardly groaned. She knew what was coming. "Don't give me that look." Cath said, as if reading her mind, "If you'd told me about this earlier I could have done this earlier." Like at the lab she got a damp cloth and gently cleaned the wound.

"It's fine." Sara insisted, gritting her teeth. This hurt more than her jaw.

"It's not fine. And stop that!" Cath said when she saw Sara's teeth clamp down on her bottom lip again. She sighed, dropping the cloth and kneeling up to rest her hands on Sara's knees. The girl's skin was cold beneath her touch. "Sara, please stop doing this." She whispered, laying a hand on her cheek, letting her thumb gently graze her bruised lips. "Stop hurting yourself babe." She didn't need to say it, they both knew what she was talking about. Unconsciously, Sara's hand went to her stomach. Cath's trained eyes watched the sudden movement and carefully prised her hand away. A sad sigh escaped her lips when she set eyes on the scars littering the thin, too thin, stomach. "Oh baby."


	8. Chapter 8

**For some reason hasn't been showing chapter 6 and 7 on the chapter list, so i apologise to those who had to wait longer to read them x**

**x x x x **

Catherine finished cleaning her wounds in silence and when she was done provided her with some clean clothes, which Sara gladly took. Cath took her hand loosely and led her upstairs. Sara, too tired to care, allowed herself to be led. Catherine paused momentarily at the top of the stairs. Did she go right and put her in the guest room or go left and keep her close by? Sara would not appreciate the latter. But then again, Sara did not have the right to argue at the moment. She tugged lightly on her hand, leading her into the sanctity of her own room.

Inside, she dropped Sara ungracefully onto the bed.

"Here," She held out her hand, inside which sat two small white pills. Sara shook her head, lips sealed. "They're just painkillers Sara, they'll help your head." She promised. Again Sara shook her head, glaring at the pills suspiciously. Catherine studied her face carefully. She looked scared. Closing her fingers, she tucked the pills out of sight, frowning softly as Sara visibly relaxed once they were gone from her view. "Honey they won't hurt you." She said, softening her voice.

"I don't want them." Sara whispered. Cath wasn't really sure what to do, but opted to leave it for now. Sara was very tired and probably not thinking straight. Maybe she could try again in the morning.

"Okay." She agreed, leaving them on her vanity table for the time being. "Come on, into bed." She whispered, pulling the sheets back. Sara didn't argue, seemingly unaware of herself at the moment. She laid down and Catherine covered her over with the blanket, tucking her in tenderly. She perched on the edge of the bed and stroked her soft brown curls. "Now you listen to me Sidle, this is important." She started in a gentle but firm voice. "I don't expect you to talk to me about anything you don't want to, but you will not hurt yourself under on my watch." Sara's dark eyes opened and closed softly, but Catherine chose to assume that she had heard her. Leaning forward she planted a soft kiss on the girl's forehead and stood up. Reaching the door, she turned, casting her eyes over the sleeping brunette. "What did they do to you my girl?"

X x x

As she reached the top of the stairs the silent house was disturbed by a phone trilling. Taking the steps two at a time she grabbed it off the hook before it could wake Sara.

"Hello." She answered, aware of how wiped out she must sound.

"Hi Catherine, how's Little Miss Concussion doing?" she smiled at the voice.

"Hey Al. She's alright, I guess. Just dropped off the sleep."

"Good. That's good." He sighed into the phone. There was a moment or two's silence, and she raised an eyebrow, although he couldn't see it.

"Was that it?" She asked when he didn't speak again."

"Huh? Oh no," He said, startled out of his thoughts. "Grissom came to see me earlier. Now, I don't agree with what he's done, but he told me something. He shouldn't have, and I shouldn't be telling you, but I think it's important so I'm going to break the rules."

"Okay." Catherine nodded slowly.

"Sara's self-harming." He sighed. "Possibly suicidal." Catherine sat down slowly on the couch.

"Yeah, I know." She said softly, swallowing the lump in her throat. The image of those scars etched into Sara's slim stomach jumped to the front of her mind.

"You do?" He sounded surprised.

"I found more grazes on her, I was cleaning them. I asked her to take her shirt off ... she has cuts on her stomach. Some recent, some older."

"Wow." Doc whistled. "Does she know that you saw them?"

"Yeah. She was too tired to say much though." There was a moment's silence.

"What are you going to do?" He asked eventually.

"I don't know yet. Talk to her I guess, see if she'll tell me why."

"Well, good luck. I just thought I'd better tell you, in case ..." He didn't finish the sentence. Didn't need to.

"Thanks Doc." She mumbled, dropping the phone back into its cradle. She ran a hand through her hair tiredly. She honestly hadn't really thought about what she was going to do. This was a delicate issue and she wasn't sure how Sara would react to someone invading.

But she couldn't do anything until Sara woke up.

She shuffled back upstairs and slipped into the bedroom. Sara was still asleep, curled up on her side. Despite the situation, Cath couldn't help but smile.

Making as little noise as possible she stripped off, pulling a t-shirt over her head and slipping on a pair of shorts.

Carefully, she climbed under the covers and clicked her lamp off. She leant over Sara, brushing a strand of hair away to see her face better. Sara frowned at the brief contact, but didn't stir. Satisfied that she was okay for now, Cath laid down next to her.

She made sure to put enough room between them so as not to invade her personal space but so that she was close enough to drape an arm over her stomach. She didn't really know why but she felt the need to maintain physical contact with her troubled young friend tonight.

With a soft sigh she drifted off to sleep, the feel of Sara's stomach rising and falling with each breath beneath her hand.


	9. Chapter 9

At some point in the night Catherine had shuffled closer to Sara and was currently pressed against her back, one arm tightly wrapped around her stomach. Which came as something of a surprise to the brunette when her sleepy brown eyes blinked open. She turned, as far as Catherine's grip would allow, and tried in vain the move away.

Her stirrings disturbed Cath, whose eyes fluttered open and blinked a few times.

"Morning." She mumbled sleepily. As soon as she lifted her arm Sara sat up and shuffled away, as far as she could without falling off the bed. Her eyes were wide, startled, as she looked frantically around the unfamiliar room. Catherine leant half up, resting on her elbows, and placed a hand on Sara's arm in an act of comfort. However the unexpected contact seemed to have an adverse affect on Sara, who jumped.

"Hey, it's okay. Everything's alright." Cath hushed in a soft voice, wide awake now. "Do you remember where you are?" she asked. Slowly Sara nodded, relaxing imperceptibly. She looked down at Catherine's hand, still resting on her arm. Cath noticed but didn't remove it. Instead, she tightened her grip. "I wanted to make sure you were okay in the night. You had a pretty nasty fall yesterday." She explained. Again Sara nodded, realisation flooding her expression.

"I'm okay." She whispered. There was a moment's silence; a moment that felt like an age. Eventually Catherine spoke again.

"I presume you don't remember what I said to you last night?" She asked, looking down. Sara shook her head, frowning. "About this?" Cath clarified, placing a hand on Sara's stomach. The girl jumped. Catherine sat up fully, wrapping and arm around Sara's shoulder to bring her in closer. Her other hand remained in its place. "This stops." She stated bluntly. "I don't expect you to tell me why yet, but I refuse to let you keep hurting yourself. And I swear if I catch you doing anything, I will take action." The look in her eyes and the tone of her voice told Sara that she wasn't kidding. She didn't dare ask what sort of 'action', so she just nodded.

Cath scrutinised her for a moment and, settled that she understood, smiled.

"Good." She whispered, pulling Sara closer and placing a kiss on the side of her head. "Okay, I'll be right back." She stood up, grabbed a bath robe and slipped into her en-suite, leaving Sara alone in the bedroom.

Involuntarily, her eyes drifted to the vanity, where they landed on the small white pills.

She clambered out from under the covers and crawled down the bed, sitting cross-legged on the end. She swallowed hard, tears springing to her eyes at the mere thought of swallowing them. She was so caught up in staring at them that she never heard the bathroom door creak open and Catherine shuffle back out.

The blonde stopped short of the bed, noticing immediately that Sara had moved. She was sat on the edge of the bed, staring fixatedly at her vanity table.

Or what was on it.

Sara looked out of it so Catherine approached slowly; making sure that Sara saw her before she placed a hand on her shoulder. The brunette flinched but never tore her eyes away.

Cath moved over to the dresser and picked them up, holding them in her closed fist.

"No." Sara mumbled, turning her head away out of instinct.

"Please honey." Cath whispered, crouching down in front of her. "I promise it won't hurt you." Sara shook her head, eyes wide and fearful. "Alright sweetie." She said, dropping them into the trashcan under the table. Sara's gaze shifted to the can. Desperate to snap her out of this panicked trance she seemed to be in, Catherine stood up and placed both hands on Sara's shoulders so that she was completely blocking the brunette's view. "Come on, I'll make you something to eat."

"I'm not hungry." Sara said. Cath raised an eyebrow.

"I read some of that file lady; I know that you're not eating." Sara looked down at her fidgeting hands. "Come on." She prised her hands apart, gripping one tightly, and dragged her downstairs.

Sara was becoming very aware of the truth in Catherine's words. She really meant action.

X x x

"Please, just eat a little more." She begged, but judging by Sara's expression she was fighting a losing battle. She sighed. At least she had gotten one piece of toast down her. It was a start. "Alright, I'm going to go for a shower. Please, eat something else." She nudged the plate closer as she stood up. Before leaving, she turned to watch Sara for a moment from the threshold. The brunette slowly reached across the table and picked up the cold, lonely piece of toast on her plate. With a smile, Cath snuck out.

X x x

After her shower, Catherine emerged from the bathroom to find Sara sat on the end of the bed, looking a little lost.

"Oh, hey." She said, surprised. "Are you alright?" Sara glanced up and smiled shyly, nodding. "Do you want to take a shower?" She asked, pointing to the en-suite. Sara raised an eyebrow, and nodded slowly. That wasn't actually why she had come back upstairs, but it seemed like a good idea.

Cath tightened her bathrobe around her and gathered a clean towel from the airing cupboard. "Here you go." She handed it to her colleague, who took it somewhat tentatively and shuffled into the bathroom.

Catherine took her time getting ready, opting to make the bed and tidy the room before getting dressed. It wasn't that she didn't trust Sara; just that she had noticed a change in the girl's demeanour this morning. Last night at least she had been focussed, if unresponsive. Now, she seemed to have zoned out. Cath was worried about her.

And with good reason, evidently.

She had just started to get out her clothes for the day when she heard a noise from the bathroom. Panicked, she rushed to the door.

"Sara?" She asked, frantic. No answer.

Without a second thought, she threw the door open.


	10. Chapter 10

**Not my best work but its late and im tired. let me know what you think x**

**x x x x **

Sara was on her knees, clutching her stomach as she threw up what little contents she had digested. Acting on instinct, Catherine threw herself to the floor, grabbing Sara's waist from behind. One hand swept her damp brown curls aside, as the other slithered round to hold her around the middle.

Sara's body was cold and damp, wrapped only in a towel. Catherine, still in her bathrobe, felt the brunette's skin against her chest. She could feel her own heart beating against Sara's back.

As Sara ran out of things to throw up, she began gasping desperately for air. Catherine shifted position slightly, allowing herself to hold Sara tighter around the stomach, resting her chin on Sara's shoulder so she could whisper words of comfort into her ear. In moving, she suddenly became very aware of the lack of layers between them. She had inadvertently loosened Sara's towel and more pale, damp skin rubbed against her own. Her robe had moved at some point, resulting in her practically bare chest pressed against Sara's back. She could feel Sara's skin, suddenly hot and flushed from the close contact, sliding against her own.

"I'm sorry." She brunette gasped, still struggling to breathe.

"It's alright baby." Catherine whispered, hugging her closer. "It's alright, I've got you." Sara nodded, leaning back into Catherine's embrace as exhaustion swept over her body. Cath placed a kiss on her cheek, just next to her ear. "It's okay now. Just take deep breathes." She instructed. Sara closed her eyes, trying to match breaths with Catherine's. "Good girl."

After a few minutes Sara's breathing had calmed down enough for her to speak properly.

"I'm sorry." She repeated. "I didn't ... I didn't mean to..."

"Shush, it's okay. I know." Catherine promised. She didn't; for all she knew Sara could have made herself sick, but right now she had to help the girl and accusing her was not going to get her anywhere. "Stay here." She said, waiting until Sara was balanced on her own before standing up to get a drink of water. She held the glass in front of Sara's mouth, helping her drink it.

Placing it on the side of the sink, she turned back to look at Sara properly. She was clutching the side of the toilet for balance, her towel wrapped loosely around her. Cath retrieved a t-shirt from the bedroom and crouched down beside Sara. She carefully slipped it over her head, mindful of the graze on her face, and helped Sara put her arms through the sleeves. Now partially dressed at least, Sara nodded her thanks shyly.

"I'm sorry." She whispered again. Cath just shook her head and placed a kiss on Sara's cheek.

"No need."

She was about to speak again when the front door slamming startled them both.

"Cath!" A familiar voice called. Catherine groaned and stood up.

"Just, stay here alright. I'll be back." Sara nodded, watching her run from the room.

X x x

"Nancy, hi. I'm sorry, I know I forgot!" She babbled, running downstairs. Her sister raised an eyebrow, giving her a once over. Cath glanced down and hurriedly refastened her bathrobe, hanging half open.

"Caught you at a bad time?" Nancy asked with a smirk. Cath was about to answer when two small arms appeared around her waist.

"Hey baby." She sighed, running a hand through her daughter's hair. Lindsey smiled up at her, resting her head against Catherine's stomach. "Hey, why don't you go watch TV for a while, I need to talk to Aunt Nancy for a few minutes."

"Okay." The little girl chirped, bouncing into the living room.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything." Nancy said mock seriously when they were alone. Cath didn't laugh. She grabbed her sister's sleeve and dragged her to the stairs, sitting down.

"I need your help."

"Why?" Nancy asked suspiciously, looking her up and down.

"My colleague, Sara. She's in my bathroom. She just threw up." Nancy frowned.

"Explain this to me." She said after a long pause.

"Grissom was on a case a couple of weeks ago; he had to go see a physiatrist about a victim. While he was there he spotted Sara file. She's seeing the same guy. So, like the genius he is, he took it." Nancy was nodding along, although obviously not really understanding the point to all this. "He left it for me to read, but I didn't know it was hers. I told him to take it back but he didn't listen. He told her and she flipped out and ran off. She fell down the lab front steps and cut her jaw open. And now she's just thrown up." She stopped for breath.

"Okay, where is she now?" Nancy asked.

"My bathroom floor." The nurse stood up and ran upstairs, followed closely by her big sister.

X x x

Sara jumped, startled by the entrance of this stranger. Nancy didn't seem to notice as she crouched down next to her and placed a firm hand on her forehead. Sara's eyes flashed to Catherine, who nodded for her to stay still.

"She's got a fever. Has she eaten?"

"A bit. Not much." Cath said, moving further into the room.

"Put her back to bed, keep an eye on her. And make her eat something." Nancy instructed, well and truly in nurse mode now as she checked the wound on her face tenderly. "And for the love of God Catherine, put some clothes on." Cath glanced down, and re-tightened her robe again. Damn thing didn't want to stay fastened today.

"Mommy?" A little voice spoke from behind and she turned. "What's going on?" Lindsey's eyes shifted from her mother, to her aunt, to Sara.

"Here, you take care of her. Come on Linds." Nancy said, standing up. She took her niece's hand and led her away, despite the child straining her head to look back at Sara with a puzzled smile.

"Come on, you heard the nurse. Back into bed." Cath took her friend's arms and gently helped her up, guiding her back into the bedroom.

"I'm sorry Cath. Really." She mumbled as she was deposited on the bed.

"Stop apologising." Catherine chastised softly. She helped Sara replace the towel around her waist with a pair of shorts and wrapped her under the blanket. "I'll be back soon, okay." She promised.

"Catherine." Sara said softly, halting her in the doorway. "Bathrobe's undone."


	11. Chapter 11

**Little bit longer to make up for the wait :) Let me know what you guys think x**

**x x x x **

"Lindsey!" Catherine hollered, taking the stairs two at a time. She had turned her back for one second and her little girl had vanished. And she had a pretty good idea of where she would find her.

"Lindsey." She scolded quietly, shuffling into her bedroom. The little blonde was on her knees on the bed, staring resolutely at Sara's sleeping face. "I thought I told you to stay downstairs." She said softly, trying not to wake her colleague.

"Why's Sara here?" Lindsey asked, not moving.

"She had a little accident at work, so she's staying here for a while." Cath explained, walking over to her. "But she's very tired so we don't want to wake her up." She placed both hands on her daughter's small waist and picked her up, balancing her on her hip. Lindsey's hand trailed behind, reaching down to the brunette in vain as she was carried out.

X x x

Later, with Lindsey fed and successfully occupied with her homework, Cath snuck into her own room, only to find it empty.

"Sara?" She queried. There was no answer, but she noticed a light creeping around the bathroom door. "Sara?" She asked again, rapping softly on the door, then a little louder. When she got no answer, she gripped the door and creaked it wider open, peeping inside.

Sara was in there, but she wasn't moving.

"Sar?" Cath asked, edging into the room. The girl was stood in front of the sink, her unwavering gaze fixed on her reflection.

Her t-shirt lay discarded on the floor.

Fighting every maternal instinct in her body, Catherine resisted the urge to wrap her in a hug. She wanted at least to reach out to her but she was not sure Sara had seen her yet. So she just kept edging closer.

A flash of movement in the mirror caught Sara's eye and she jumped, arms wrapping across her bare chest. Her dark eyes betrayed her shock and fear at being caught out.

Slowly, Catherine bent down and picked up the t-shirt before approaching the apprehensive brunette. She held the garment out and Sara snatched it back, holding it against her.

"What were you doing?" Catherine asked, keeping her voice non-accusing. Sara cast her eyes down, fidgeting awkwardly. Catherine didn't give up. She took another step, bringing her directly in front of Sara. The brunette glanced up, her cheeks tinged pink with embarrassment. Slowly, trying not to alarm the girl, Cath raised her hand and gently prised Sara's hands away from her body.

To her relief there were no cuts, no bleeding. However she did see something else.

On Sara's chest, at the top of her right breast, was a faded but undeniable scar.

And Catherine did not need to be an investigator to know what it was.

That was a bite mark.

"I wish it would disappear." Sara whispered, looking away. Cath sighed.

"Oh honey." She shook her head sadly, reaching out a hand to stroke the mark with the pad of her thumb. A thought struck her. "Come here." She took Sara's hand and led her back into the bedroom. Depositing Sara on the bed, she began rummaging through her vanity table, searching for something. After a few private mutterings she returned triumphant; a small plastic bottle in her hand. She sat next to Sara, who was eyeing the bottle suspiciously. Catherine ignored this as she leant across her to click the bedside lamp on. Blonde hair grazed her bare chest, causing her to hold her breath instinctively. "Alright." Cath said, leaning back. She carefully moved Sara's hair aside, revealing the mark better.

She uncapped the bottle and squeezed a bit of the clear, runny liquid into her palm. Sara watched her hands warily as Cath dipped her fingers into the fluid and gently touched it to the scar. It was cold and Sara jumped at the contact. "Sorry." Cath said with a half smile. She tenderly massaged it in, letting her fingers stroke Sara's soft skin, perhaps for a little longer than necessary.

Without warning, she repeated the motions on Sara's stomach.

"What is it?" Sara asked eventually, swallowing hard at the unusual feelings this was causing.

"Bio oil." Cath answered, not looking up from her motions. "Improves skin tone, gets rid of stretch marks, fades scars..."

X x x

"What did you do?" Lindsey asked, shuffling closer to Sara, peering at the re-dressed bandage on her face.

"Lindsey!" Cath scolded, frowning at her daughter. Sara, however, just laughed.

"It's okay Cat. I tripped, fell down some stairs."

"How?" She scrunched up her little nose curiously.

"Well, you know when your mom tells you to tie up your laces?" Lindsey nodded eagerly. "It's true. You should." Sara glanced up and caught Catherine's eye, sending her a sly wink. The blonde was chuckling to herself quietly, shaking her head.

"Did it hurt?" Apparently question time wasn't over yet.

"A lot." Sara admitted. The little girl opened her mouth again but Catherine placed her hands on her shoulders, silencing her.

"Linds, baby, why don't you show Sara your artwork?" the little girl skipped off upstairs and Catherine took her place on the couch. She leant back, relaxing into the cushions. "You're laces are always tied." She pointed out.

"Makes a good point though, don't you think?" Sara grinned at her. Cath laughed softly. She patted Sara's knee.

"You seem happier now." She stated, twisting to see her face better. Sara nodded slowly, chewing the inside of her cheek thoughtfully.

"I'm sorry about earlier." She mumbled at last. Cath smiled.

"Don't be. You just scared me that's all, I'm not used to you zoning out on me all the time." She admitted, moving her hand from Sara's knee to link their fingers together loosely, feeling the soft fabric of the bandage beneath her touch.

"I'm just..." Sara started, then trailed off, lapsing into silence for a long moment. "Why did he do it?" She asked at last. Catherine paused, unsure of who 'he' was. Hoping for the best, she took a guess.

"He was trying to help you. He just went about it the wrong way." Sara looked up, a frown etched into her expression and for a moment Cath thought she'd got it wrong.

"He stole my file. It was hard enough telling all that stuff to my doctor, now you guys know too. I never wanted anyone to find out." She mumbled, sinking into the cushions.

"I know honey." Cath said sympathetically, tucking a strand of hair behind Sara's ear. "But now that we do know, we can help." She pointed out. "We can keep a closer eye on you; make sure you're not struggling with anything." Unconsciously, Sara's hand returned to her stomach. "Yes, that too." Cath said softly, letting her know that she had spotted the movement. Sara wanted to speak, to say something in her defence, but there were no words.

Not that it mattered, because when she looked up she was presented with a smiley little blonde and a picture of Tinkerbelle.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you for all the reviews so far, they make my day! **

**Re: Stark – Thank you for reading and reviewing ****And thanks for the tip, but it was kinda supposed to be unhelpful. Keep reading and you'll understand where I'm going with it I promise. **

**x x x x **

"Hey, how's Sara doing?" Brass asked, jogging to catch up with Catherine in the hallway. She glanced around them self-consciously and Brass mentally cursed himself for not thinking. Luckily however, the corridor was pretty empty and no-one appeared to have heard.

"She's doing okay; she's dealing with things in her own way." Cath answered once they rounded into a lab, out of earshot. She did not elaborate on what Sara's way of dealing was.

"Good." He nodded. "Is she still seeing her counsellor?" Cath sighed.

"I don't know. I tried to broach the subject with her but ..." she trailed off. Sara had mumbled something and the Lindsey had barged in and demanded to know what Sara's favourite film was. Catherine had nearly choked when her automatic answer had been _War and Peace_ and she'd been quick to suggest to Lindsey that perhaps The Jungle Book might be a better choice for a family movie.

"Do you think she will?" Brass continued, snapping her back to the present.

"Honestly, I don't know." Cath sighed. "I hope so, but now that we know I think she's given up on the idea." Jim frowned at her so she explained herself. "Having a counsellor is supposed to give people a chance to talk about things in private and confidence, without anyone else needing to know about it. Sara could carry on with her life in private, and still deal with her demons. Grissom ruined that for her the second he took her file." She shook her head slowly. "I think the idea of talking to a counsellor seems pointless to her now, it's not private anymore."

Brass nodded, thinking this through. "She could always see someone else?" He suggested. Cath scoffed.

"Yeah, and go through it all again. Reliving it all. She can't put herself through that again; she's barely hanging on as it is." She realised what she'd said as soon as the words left her lips and sucked in a breath, hoping that the detective hadn't picked up on it.

He had.

"What do you mean?" He asked slowly, stepping closer. His eyes were dark, brooding. His hands balled into fists at his side. Cath bit her lip anxiously. "Catherine." He pressed quietly. "She's not alright is she?" The blonde pursed her lips and shook her head.

"I only read part of her file; I didn't realise how bad things were until ..."

"Until what?" He pressed when she didn't continue.

"There have been a couple of incidents, nothing major," she held up her hands before he could jump in, "but, I guess I underestimated what she's dealing with."

Jim nodded thoughtfully. "How is she dealing with it?" He asked at last, his gruff voice less frantic now. Cath took a deep breath. This was the question she had been dreading.

"Privately." She answered at last, hoping he would get the hint.

X x x

Jim did get the hint – he was going to get nothing out of Catherine. But that did not mean he was going to stop trying. Putting his detective mind to work, he decided that the only way to find out was to go straight to the source.

And he found her barricaded into her lab, a thoughtful look plastered on her face as she stared resolutely at two pieces of string. He was sure he did not want to know.

He smiled affectionately as he approached, but there was a weight on his heart as he did. He did not some shrink's scribblings to know what had happened to Sara. He had seen it the day he first looked into those hazel eyes.

"Hey," he greeted softly. She looked up, startled by the intrusion. A half smile appeared on her lips. "I've been looking for you."

"What can I do for you?" She asked, frowning slightly.

"Sit down." He gestured to the stool behind her. Her frown deepened at the request but she did as asked. Jim pulled up a second stool and positioned himself directly in front of her. He placed one hand on her knee, taking a moment to think about what he wanted to say.

"Grissom showed you didn't he?" Sara beat him to the punch, her eyes dropping. "He showed you my file." There was a hint of shame in her voice that made Brass want to hit Grissom.

"Yeah." Jim's voice came out hoarse, quiet so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Yeah, he did." There was a moment's silence.

"And?" Sara queried softly. Jim took a deep breath.

"And, I wanted to make sure you were okay. That there was nothing I should know about?"

"You mean that you don't know about already?" She muttered, more to herself than him, but he heard it all the same.

"Hey, I'm not Grissom alright? I didn't read it." He said softly, drawing her eyes upwards. He held her gaze steady. "I didn't need to." Her dark eyes flickered, searching his own. He saw something, fear maybe, flash through them, before she averted her gaze. Not giving up, he reached out a rough hand and gently tipped her face up to meet his eyes again. His hand remained where it was, his fingers gently stroking her jaw. The graze was healing, but it still looked red and sore. "Now, I know that things like that can be hard to deal with, and I know that you don't always have the best ways of dealing with things.

Her eyes widened. Had he been talking to Catherine? Would she have said anything?

"I'm fine." She insisted, although her voice came out much less forceful than she'd planned. Jim just raised an eyebrow.

"Come on, we both know that's not true." He countered gently. "I just want to know that you're not going to do anything stupid." She didn't speak. "Sara?" He pressed, putting a tiny bit more force into holding her face steady. "Are you drinking?" He asked outright. Her eyes flashed up, defences kicking in.

"No." She said, the power back in her voice now.

"Are you cutting?" He asked. This time she didn't look up; her gaze remained fixed to the hand still resting on her knee. "Stop." Was all he had to say to her silent answer. Slowly, she raised her eyes to meet his. "Please, stop it." He was practically begging her now, his eyes pleading. Never had she seen Jim Brass look so desperate.

But still she couldn't say a word.


	13. Chapter 13

"Miss Sidle, what can I do for you today?" Doc Robbins asked without looking up.

"That depends. You got any results on hamburger man?"

"You mean Ryan Kildale. Prints came back." He handed her the results over the smashed face of the hit and run victim. As she scanned the photocopy of the driver licence Doc studied the young brunette. "Sara," he started slowly. She looked up. "You know that, if you ever need anything, you know where I am." She raised an eyebrow as he stumbled his way through his words.

"Did Grissom put you all up to this?" She sighed, resting her hands on the metal examination table.

"I don't know what you mean?"

"You, Brass. Who's next?" There was no venom in her voice, just mild frustration. Doc placed his armful of folders down carefully on the table and leant forward.

"I don't know what Brass has said to you, but I just wanted you to know that there are people here for you. Whatever you're going through, you don't have to do it alone."

"With all due respect Doc, you don't know what I'm dealing with."

"Maybe not." He conceded. "I do know what made those cuts on your stomach." Sara's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. He beckoned her over to sit down at his desk. Reluctantly she followed him, dragging her feet. This was the second time she had been summoned to sit down and talk today. Robbins made himself comfy in his chair, resting his crutches against the desk. Sara sat opposite him, her hands pinned between her knees. He couldn't help comparing her to his kids when they were in trouble.

"Sara," he began softly, "I do not agree with what Grissom did. He had no right to take it and even less right to read it." She looked up, regarding him suspiciously. She felt a 'but' coming. "But, I also don't agree with what you're doing. You know as well as I do that this is not the way to deal with your problems."

"You don't understand." She mumbled sadly.

"Sara, how many suicide victims do you think I see a year?" She frowned and shrugged. "Too many." He answered. "I have seen those marks before."

"I'm not..." Sara started but he didn't let her finish.

"I do not want to see you on my table Sara." He said sincerely. She looked at him for a long moment before nodding slowly.

He patted her leg and stood back up, returning to flick through his folders idly. She remained where she was, not moving, but neither spoke another word. Eventually, she stood up and walked out.

X x x

"You've had a busy week, huh?" Grissom looked up. Sara was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed over her chest. Her expression was neutral but one eyebrow was raised, as if awaiting an explanation. He frowned, not understanding. "Catherine, Brass, Doc Robbins. Anyone else I should be expecting 'the talk' from?" Understanding, he looked abashed.

"No. But I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you myself." He gestured to the seat opposite his desk. She rolled her eyes and dropped unceremoniously into it. "How are you?" He started, in the same voice as Dr Bonner, and every other shrink for that matter.

"Okay, if we're going to talk then talk, but don't do that." She said. His eyebrows went up, surprised by her response.

"Do what?" He asked, genuinely baffled.

"That psychologist's sympathy talk. You know how I am." She nodded to the folder, still perched on his desk. He sighed.

"Sorry." He apologised. "That's actually what I wanted to talk to you about though." He opened the file and placed it in front of her. Her eyes fell briefly on the highlighted words, before diverting to her lap. She didn't need to read it, she knew what it said.

"What about it?" She asked when he didn't speak again.

"What can I do to help?" She looked up sharply.

"What?" She asked, just to make sure she had heard correctly.

"I want to help. Tell me what I can do." He was irritatingly calm. Many expressions flashed through her eyes but only one made it to her face.

"You mean like you did when you took that damn file?" She snapped. He looked taken aback, but she wasn't finished. "I didn't ask for your help Grissom, I don't want your help. I don't need you, any of you!" She was on her feet now, stalking to the door. "Just stay out of my life." She sighed, slamming the door on her way out. Grissom hovered, in two minds about whether or not to follow her. He knew he should, but if he did he knew she's probably slap him.

X x x

"What?" Catherine mumbled in response to the quiet knock, not looking up from her paperwork. Sara cleared her throat, getting her full attention. "Oh, hey." Cath smiled, gesturing to the chair in front of her. This time Sara didn't sit down. She ambled across the small office and leant against the desk. When she didn't sit down Cath glanced back up, puzzled. "Something wrong." She asked, trying to mask the concern in her voice.

"No. I just wanted to say thanks, for the last couple of days. But, I'm going to go back to my apartment today." She said. This time Cath couldn't mask the emotion in her voice.

"Oh, okay." She mumbled sadly, caught off guard. "Are you sure? I mean, you can stay as long as you like." She offered hopefully. Sara's lips morphed into a tight line.

"Thanks, but I need to go home sometime. And I think I can take care of this myself from here." She touched her jaw softly. Cath nodded, though her heart was sinking.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked again.

"That seems to be the question of the day." Sara answered dryly. "Seems half the lab knows about my 'problems'." She muttered, just loud enough to make sure Cath heard it. She turned to leave, pausing only briefly in the doorway to deliver a final shot. "Thanks for all your help, but I can take care of myself."

Alone, Catherine could only watch her leave.

Before she could decide whether or not to follow, her phone rang.

"Willows." She answered automatically, her thoughts still wandering down the hallway. However, when the voice on the other end spoke her face hardened as realisation dawned. "What did you do now, Gil?"


	14. Chapter 14

"Are you okay?" Sara jumped at the voice. She turned; her hands still submerged in her locker, and cast her eyes over Catherine, who was leaning casually against the door frame.

"I'm fine." She answered, continuing her rummaging.

"Looking for these?" Cath asked, jangling a set of keys. Sara's eyes widened and then her face visibly relaxed.

"Thank God. Where did you find them?" She gasped.

"In my office, where you left them." Cath answered, ambling over and holding them up. Sara reached out to take them, but as soon as her hand touched metal Catherine's free hand gripped her wrist. "Are you really okay?" She repeated her question, holding the bemused brunette's gaze.

"I'm fine." Sara reiterated, trying to pull her arm back. Cath released the keys to Sara's grasp, but didn't let go of her slim wrist. She turned it over, examining the cuts on her hand.

"It's healing well." She commented, moving her own hands to touch Sara's face lightly. The girl flinched at the contact so Catherine withdrew. "Are you still seeing your therapist?" She asked. Sara's eyes darkened and she looked away. "Sara, we talked about this. You promised me." She sighed. When the younger woman didn't answer Cath gripped her arm again and tugged her to sit down on the bench.

"I'm okay Cat." Sara insisted, albeit weakly.

"I know you're lying." Catherine said. "Look, just come back and stay with me again. Just a few days." She pleaded. This was her third attempt in as many days and still no joy. With a small pout she played her ace card. "Lindsey misses you." Sara sighed.

"Cath, I need to deal with this on my own. Please, just leave me to it."

"I can't do that Sara, you know I can't." Sara stared at her for a long moment before looking away. "Look, just hear me out." Catherine said, lowering her voice, but before she could continue a deep voice interrupted.

"Hey girls," Warrick greeted, wandering in. "Busy night, it's all hands on deck. Griss is waiting for you in the break room." He grabbed his jacket and nodded to them as he left. With a sigh Cath turned back to Sara.

"This isn't over." She said, tapping the girl's knee.

X x x

Warrick had not been kidding. Although there were only two cases they were both too big to handle solo. Although Grissom seemed to debate about it for a moment or two, he paired Sara with Nick. The brunette was surprised by this, feeling like she's been let off her leash for the first time.

She didn't know that it was because he didn't think she could handle the other case, but she honestly didn't care.

However, pulling her car in behind Nick's she realised that she was not totally free as Brass ambled over.

"Two dead guys in the garage; the one with a screw driver in his head owned the house, wife's talking to Sofia." He started bluntly, subtly casting his eyes over the brunette. Nick watched his shifting gaze curiously, while Sara seemed oblivious as she glanced around her. "So far all she's said is she woke up when she heard shouting and found her husband like this."

"Okay, thanks Jim." Nick nodded, turning his attention to his colleague.

"Hey, you okay?" He asked.

"I'm fine." Sara answered instinctively, barely even listening. "I'll check the perimeter." She said before he could ask, wandering over to the trees surrounding the secluded property. Nick frowned, watching her walk away with a puzzled expression. Shaking it off, he headed over to the garage.

X x x

Grissom, Catherine and Warrick took the other case; a potential serial rapist who had resurfaced after two previous, possibly connected, cases went cold.

"Man, I hate this guy." Warrick whistled, surveying the scene. Clothes and bed sheets had been tossed everywhere and the bedside table had been pulled clean over.

With a sigh he wandered back to the lounge, letting Catherine and Grissom take the main scene. He couldn't face another scene like this today.

He walked past Catherine, who was staring at the bed with fierce eyes, seemingly lost in her own world.

"Don't associate Catherine." Grissom's voice appeared in her ear, making her jump. She looked at him, not even wanting to know how he knew what was going through her head.

"I wouldn't have to if you hadn't shown me that file.

X x x

Sara was happily following some footwear marks in the back yard when she felt two eyes trained on her back.

"What?" She asked, not looking up.

"Catherine said you've gone back to your apartment." Brass inquired. Sara crouched down and began taking some photos of something.

"Yeah. It was never supposed to be permanent." She answered, still not looking away from her work.

"You sure you're okay. You know, you've been very quiet this last week." He pointed out, and even though she couldn't see him she knew that his dark eyes were shining with concern.

"I'm fine. I can take care of myself." Brass didn't answer. He cleared the space between them and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly but firmly just for a minute, before disappearing back around the house.

X x x

"Okay, how long is this going to last?" Grissom asked, putting his camera down and looking at Catherine over the bed.

"What?" She asked dryly, not taking her eyes off her sketch.

"The silent treatment." He clarified.

"I don't know Gil. How about we wait and see how long it takes Sara to trust me again?" she said pointedly, raising an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't know she was going to think it was you."

"If you had kept your stupid mouth shut she wouldn't have been able to make that mistake!" She snapped. "Why, Gil? After everything I said, after you saw how she reacted. Why would you run your mouth like that?" She didn't expect an answer and was not particularly surprised when she didn't get one. With a frustrated sigh she mumbled to herself, "I don't know what goes through that thick skull of yours some days!"

X x x

"Hey Greggo, what you got for me?" Nick chirped, startling the young lab rat.

"Hey, my DNA back yet" Warrick said simultaneously, wandering in through another door. Their eyes met and a playful spark glimmered between them.

"Hey Greggo," Nick drawled, "did I tell you that I got that new game you were on about..." Greg looked between the two men, picking up on the vibe immediately. With a smirk he shook his head.

"No, you didn't Nicky, do tell."

"Ah, no way man." Warrick jumped in, chuckling softly. "I'm with Catherine and you know her stuff is priority." He grinned.

"Yeah but I'm with Sara, and we all know Greg's little soft spot for her." Nick added, pinching Greg's cheek playfully. The lab tech scowled at how this had backfired on him.

"Come on Greg, Catherine's gonna kill someone if I don't get these results to her asap." Warrick pleaded. "She and Grissom have been sniping at each other all night."

"Yeah?" Nick asked. "About what?"

"Sara, actually." Warrick said with a soft frown. "I don't know what's going on but I heard her name mentioned a few times."

"You know, Sara's been off with me all night, and Brass has been following her round like a lost puppy." Nick said, looking thoughtful. "I heard him say something to her about going back to her apartment."

"She stayed with Catherine for a couple of nights after she had that accident on the front steps." Greg chimed in, a devious glint in his eyes. "Wonder what they got up to." He winked, but Nick and Warrick chose to ignore it.

"Now I think about it Cath and Sara were in the locker room together earlier," Warrick said. Greg made an appreciative noise but Warrick continued, "they seemed to be talking about something serious."

"I think we're missing something, man." Nick sighed.

"Ooh, Catherine and Sara getting it on behind Grissom's back." Greg crooned with a grin. "You think they'll let me watch?"

**x x x x**

**You know what to do :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**Apologies, i was going to update last night but i had an unwanted visitor crashing on my floor and never got round to it, so its a little later, but longer :) Let me know what you think x**

**x x x x**

Nick had just begun to forget his earlier suspicions when two days later they flared up again in post.

He held the door open, letting Sara slip through before following her into the morgue. Doc Robbins glanced up briefly and nodded a greeting to them. Nick noticed as the coroner's eyes gave Sara a careful once over and narrowed suspiciously. He could tell there was something he wanted to say but before he could Sara spoke up.

"Cause of death?" She asked quietly. Nick turned his attention to her. Her gaze was averted and her voice had taken on a soft, timid voice. Her brunette waves fell hid her face. She looked vulnerable. Doc scrutinised her for a moment longer before answering.

"First blush, cardiac arrest." He stated slowly, never taking his eyes off Sara. Nick looked between them for a moment before deciding to diffuse the tension.

"Any idea of what might have caused it?" He asked slowly, keeping one eye trained on Sara.

"You'll have to wait for tox to come back." He replied. If Sara knew both men were staring at her then she didn't let on as she kept her gaze focussed on the dead body in front of her. After a long moments silence Doc voiced the question playing on Nick's mind. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Sara answered automatically, not meeting their gaze. "Anything else you can tell us?" She asked before he could counter her answer.

"He's got cuts on the back of his hand, fairly recent. He could have been in a fight in the last few days."

"I'll ask Brass to chase it up." She said, taking the opportunity to leave.

"Sara," Nick called, almost against his own will. He was about to speak when nerves struck him and he softened his voice. "Tell Jim to page me if he gets anything, I'll meet him at PD." The brunette nodded and slipped out. Nick looked back up and was met with Robbins' knowing gaze.

X x x

"Hey, Rick." Nick called, jogging to catch up with him in the hall. "You got a sec?"

"Sorry, I've got to get these results to Grissom or he's going to snap. Later yeah?" The other man rambled, disappearing around the corner before Nick could contest it. The Texan, planted in the middle of the hallway, sighed heavily.

X x x

Warrick frowned slightly as he approached Grissom's door. Grissom's closed door. Bugman's office was never closed unless he did not want to be disturbed. For a second he contemplated leaving, but the results in his hand swayed him to stay. Griss really would flip if Warrick didn't get something back to him soon.

He raised his hand to knock, but a voice from inside stopped him.

"One day I am going to staple a memo to your thick forehead!" It was muffled but that was undeniably the voice of Catherine Willows.

"I know what I'm doing Catherine!" Grissom's voice shouted back. Deciding the results could wait a little bit longer, he dropped his hand and made to leave, but what he heard next froze him in place.

"If you knew Sara at all you'd know that you're not helping!" Cath snapped. Warrick glanced over her shoulder; the corridor was pretty empty and the few people milling around seemed oblivious to him. Cautiously, he stepped closer to the door.

X x x

"I've know Sara a lot longer than you have." Grissom pointed out. Catherine flung her hands up.

"That doesn't mean anything!" she huffed. "Just because you've know her _longer_ doesn't mean you know her _better_!"

"I read every word in that file, I know her as well as I need to." He countered. Cath scoffed, but he continued anyway. "I know that she's delicate, that we can't push her too far."

"She's not eating Gil, she's not sleeping. The longer you bury your head in the sand the longer she can keep doing this to herself."

"Which is why I am going to tell her to take some time off."

"So she can sit at home and not eat?" Catherine said dryly. "Book her an appointment."

"Catherine I cannot force her to talk to the shrink." Grissom re-iterated.

"Of course you can, you're the supervisor." She insisted, resting her hands on the desk. Grissom rolled his eyes, something which did not go unnoticed by the blonde. Holding her temper in check, she sighed. "The department shrink is there for a reason. If she won't talk to her old one, she needs to talk to someone."

"I thought she was talking to you?" Grissom frowned.

"She was, until you shot your mouth off to half the lab."

"She thinks it was you?" He asked, sitting down.

"She doesn't care who it was. Point is she knows one of us did and now she's not interested in anything either of us has to say." Grissom looked away, a puzzled expression clouding his features.

"We all care about her, doesn't she see that?" He frowned. Cath's temper flared back up again.

"No. Gil, she doesn't. All she sees is the people she trusted snooping through her private life and betraying her confidence."

Before he could answer, the door was flung open...

X x x

"Hey, Nick." Warrick hissed, glancing around the break room to make sure they were alone before shuffling in. "You'll never guess what I just heard." He sighed ambling over. Nick noted the results sheet still in his hand. "I went to find Grissom, and he and Catherine were having a blazing row in his office."

"Yeah?" Nick asked, his attention peaked.

"Yeah, but get this. It was about Sara."

His attention firmly grasped now, Nick's ears pricked up. "What about Sara?" He asked, trying to disguise the alarm in his voice.

"Well, Cath was trying to get Grissom to make Sara see the shrink, about her not eating. Apparently Grissom's being telling people stuff, and he's got some file about her." Nick nodded along as Warrick said this.

"Doc Robbins." He said knowingly. Warrick frowned at him, not following. "I was trying to tell you earlier; Sara's been really quiet all shift, and in post Doc Robbins kept staring at her, like he was worried about her." Warrick nodded. "And remember, the other day. Brass wouldn't let her out of his sight. I bet he knows too."

"Yeah. That must be what her and Cath were talking about in the locker room that day." The dark skinned man added, letting the pieces fall into place.

Before they could speculate any further, a frantic Wendy collapsed against the door frame.

X x x

Wendy ran a hand absently through her hair as she pushed the bathroom door open, a lazy smile on her face.

Barely two steps in, her smile morphed into an expression of pure horror.

**x x x x**

**And a cliffhanger, because i know how much you all love them :p**


	16. Chapter 16

"Oh my God!" Wendy gasped, launching herself to the floor.

"Sara...?" She called, carefully touching her shoulder. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, arms wrapped around them tightly; protectively. Slowly, her head lifted up from her knees and her eyes blinked open, searching through the fog in her mind until they latched onto Wendy's.

The lab tech looked down at the pool of blood forming around Sara's feet. Blood, dripping from her wrists. Carefully, she took her hands and turned them over.

"Oh God." She choked, looking away. Something metal caught her eye, glinting in the dim bathroom lights. A blade. "Oh God." She repeated when the realisation sunk in.

"Okay, um, stay here, alright. Don't move." She rambled, not that Sara looked like she could go anywhere if she tried. Wendy bolted to her feet and threw herself out of the door. "Someone help!" She hollered to the practically deserted hallway. Mandy appeared out of her lab, eyes wide with concern.

"What?" she asked frantically. Wendy didn't answer; she just disappeared back into the toilets. Not understanding, Mandy followed.

Her heart jumped to her throat when she laid eyes on the scene. Sara was slumped against the wall, knees curled up to her chest. A pool of blood was spreading across the floor like the tide on a beach. Deep red blood, pouring from the deep cuts in Sara's wrists that Wendy was desperately pressing paper towels to, with little effect.

Mandy rushed over and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Go, get help." She instructed, taking her place on the floor. Wendy was a fast runner, and right now they needed speed. Again, the DNA tech darted out, leaving a trail of bloody footsteps in her wake.

Sara's eyes were unfocused, lost. Mandy crouched next to her, positioning herself so she could wrap an arm around her shoulders. Although it was only slight, she picked up on the tiny move Sara made at the contact.

"Good girl, stay with me Sara. You're going to be fine." She promised, taking one bloodied hand in her own. "Oh honey, what have you done?" She whispered into Sara's hair.

X x x

Wendy took off like a cheetah, sprinting down the hallway. Where a moment ago it had been empty, all of a sudden there were people to dodge around.

Not even slowing down, she fell through Grissom's door with an ungraceful bang. He and Catherine both looked at her in shock but she gave them no chance to speak.

"Sara's hurt. Women's bathroom, she's bleeding bad." She rushed out. Cath was moving before she finished her sentence, placing a hand briefly on Wendy's arm as she took off down the hall with Grissom on her tail.

X x x

Catherine flew through the door like a bat out of hell, making Mandy jump. Sara was staring straight ahead, not moving. "Oh God no." Cath swallowed, eyes scanning over the scene; the blood pool on the floor, the dark stains on Sara's jeans from where her wrists had been pressed. Mandy was white as a sheet, hugging Sara close to her. Gathering herself quickly, Cath landed next to the lab rat and gripped Sara's arms, examining the wounds. She could feel Grissom's presence hovering nearby.

"Oh Sara." Cath sighed, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fall. "How long's she been here?" She asked, flicking her eyes up to Mandy's momentarily. Mandy shrugged helplessly, opening and closing her mouth but making no sound.

"I found her literally a minute before I told you." Wendy breathed, reappearing in the doorway with towels in her arms and Sofia in tow. Sofia was on the phone demanding an ambulance ASAP. Wendy dropped the towels beside Catherine and the two of them began using them to staunch the flow of blood from the deep lacerations. Glancing up, she shared a panicked look with Mandy.

Behind her, a crowd of curious onlookers was beginning to form in the hallway, peering around each other in their stark white lab coats.

Sara, however, seemed oblivious. Her eyes were opening and closing slowly, her breathing becoming rapidly shallower. Catherine grabbed her face between her hands. "Sara, can you hear me?" She asked desperately. Sara didn't move. "Open your eyes baby, please." She begged, tears gathering in her own blue eyes. Slowly, Sara's brown eyes blinked open again. "You hold on for me girl, do not give up on me now." She ordered, trying desperately to hold onto Sara's confused gaze. But her plea fell on deaf ears as Sara's eyes drifted closed and didn't open again. "Sara!" She begged, shaking her gently by the shoulders, but she didn't wake up.

"I'll go track down the ambulance." Sofia said, dashing off. Grissom paced anxiously behind the women, restricted by space in the small room.

Mandy felt Sara's whole body weight against her chest and brushed a hand against her cheek.

"She's cold." She mumbled.

"She's bleeding." Wendy added, startled. The others looked up at her and followed her line of sight to Sara's stomach, where a large blood stain was overtaking her shirt.

"Damn." Catherine cursed. She gripped Sara's hips while Mandy took her shoulders and they carefully laid her out so her head was in Mandy's lap. "Out Grissom." Cath ordered, already ripping Sara's shirt open. She didn't need to be able to see him to know that he didn't move. "You're in the women's bathroom. Out." She repeated. He was about to contest when she looked up and said everything she needed to in a single glare.

He stepped back, reluctantly letting the door close. Out in the hall, he ran a hand through his hair, worry etched into his tired face.

The crowd of people had grown, and Henry, Hodges and Bobby had joined the masses.

"What do you thinks going on in there?" Henry asked.

"I don't know." Bobby shrugged. "Apparently Wendy ran out and came back with Catherine and Grissom, and then Sofia went in and came out."

"Everyone looks scared." Henry commented, frowning.

X x x

In a flash Sara's shirt was in shreds and her thin, pale stomach was bared. Along with the deep cuts littering her stomach.

Wendy swallowed back tears, looking away.

"Hold that." Cath ordered, pressing a towel to her stomach. Wendy did as asked, pressing down as hard as she dared on the flowing wounds. "You promised me Sara." Catherine mumbled quietly, but just loud enough that the lab techs heard it.

X x x

Grissom paced anxiously outside the door. He knew that Catherine was trying to afford Sara an element of privacy but he didn't understand why. He looked at his watch for the millionth time. Where the hell was the ambulance?

X x x

"She's cold." Mandy commented.

"She's going into shock!"

"Oh God!" Wendy gasped, shedding her lab coat a d draping it over Sara to keep her warm.

Having heard raised voices, Grissom flung the door open again and his eyes widened impossible further at the horrifying sight of his girl trembling on the floor.

X x x

"Man, what's happening in there?" Bobby asked, rubbing a hand through his hair anxiously. Behind them, Archie was on his phone, watching the commotion from a distance.

"Someone must be hurt." Henry said.

"I'll find out." Hodges announced, strutting up to Grissom. "Hey..." He started, but stopped as his gaze crept into the women's bathroom.

"Get lost Hodges!" Grissom snapped, his attention focussed on one thing and one thing only. The trace tech stepped back, not needing to be told twice.

"So, what's happening?" Henry asked.

"It's Sara." He swallowed hard, all the colour drained from his face. "I saw blood." In the background Archie paused before relaying this information down the phone.

Before this had chance to sink in Sofia came tearing up the hallway and stopped short of going into the bathroom. Brass was not far behind her.

"EMTs are here." She panted.

And sure enough the distinctive sound of boots running up the hallway echoed off the glass walls until two guys in green boiler suits, armed with medical supplies and a stretcher clattered through the door.

Brass ushered everyone back, keeping the hall clear and also to block their view.

"Female, 31. Severe lacerations to the wrists and stomach." Sofia barked at the EMTs before they could say a word. Wendy and Mandy both stood up and somehow prised Catherine off the brunette to allow the paramedics space to work.

"What's her name?" One asked while the other began fixing an IV to her arm.

"Sara." Sofia answered, exchanging concerned glances with Brass, who was trying in vain to keep Grissom out of the open door.

"Sara, can you hear me?" The medic asked, pressing two fingertips against her neck and obviously not liking what he found. "No radial pulse." He said to his colleague, who was strapping her wrists up with white bandages. They exchanged medical jargon while they frantically worked on the girl.

Out in the hall, everyone sucked in breath as a pale, shaking Catherine was led out by Wendy and Mandy, all three covered in blood.

The stretcher emerged next, the paramedics carrying her as if she were weightless. Suddenly Greg appeared from nowhere, legging it up the corridor. Mandy released Catherine and grabbed the young lad before he fell to the floor at the sight of Sara. She wrapped her arms tightly around him, letting him sob against her as they watched the brunette disappear. People were lined up at the windows watching the show play out, but Catherine, Grissom, Greg and Brass took no notice as they followed their prone colleague.

X x x

In the parking lot, the ambulance was waiting. Nick and Warrick came sprinting through the crowd, followed by the lab rats.

"Cath!" Nick hollered, grabbing hold of the blonde, who was watching Sara being loaded up with scared tears falling down her blood streaked face. She looked lost.

"What happened?" Warrick asked, wide eyed at the glimpse of Sara.

"I...I'm going with her." Was all that Catherine could choke out, walking numbly to the waiting ambulance.


	17. Chapter 17

**Extra long chap to make up for the three day wait :) hope you enjoy xx**

**x x x x**

"It's okay Sara; everything's going to be okay. Just hold on for me alright, keep fighting for me." Catherine babbled, doing her best to maintain her vice grip on Sara's cold, motionless hand as the stretcher was hurtled down the corridor. Odd words were making it through the fog in her mind.

_Cardiac arrest_

_Flatlining_

_Respirator_

She tried to block them out, focussing her attention on the lifeless form before her eyes.

Without warning she was roughly shoved aside, forced to break her contact with Sara as the brunette disappeared through the operating theatre doors.

Tears continued to stream down her face helplessly as she stumbled in a circle; lost. She felt two strong, familiar hands on her arms and automatically leant into Grissom's embrace.

What else could she do right now?

X x x

Silent tears trekked down her pale skin, but she wasn't aware of them. Her eyes were fixed on the door of the women's bathroom; the bright blue police tape garish and unmissible against the white door. It was not so much there to protect a crime scene as to cordon it off until it could be cleaned. There was a bloody hand print on the side of the doorframe.

"Hey," A soft voice spoke in her ear, making her jump. She turned and Mandy offered a sympathetic smile. Wendy nodded silently, her eyes automatically searching out the dark smear again. No amount of bleach in the world would erase the image of it from her mind.

Mandy wrapped an arm around her shoulders and guided her away from the door.

The lab rats all glanced up in perfect harmony as the women entered the break room, then quickly resumed staring at the table. No one was speaking, too lost in their own thoughts to form words right now. Wendy sat down next to Hodges and Mandy sat next to her, keeping a grip on her hand out of support.

"Why would she...?" she whispered, but the rest of her words got choked in her throat. Mandy gripped her hand tighter; the only answer she could muster right now.

"Man," Archie sighed from across the table. "I always thought Sara was..." he paused, choosing his words, "tough, you know. Unbreakable." They were all silent for a moment, letting guilt creep into their consciousness. They, too, had missed all the warning signs. A quiet mumble from Wendy's left interrupted the quiet.

"Everyone has a breaking point."

X x x

The rhythmic ticking of the clock on the wall seemed to be getting louder with every passing minute. They had no idea how long they had been here, but it felt like days. Nick paced from one side of the small family room to the other, casting anxious, frustrated glances at the clock every few minutes. Grissom was sat with his head in his hands, his eyes scrunched closed as he battled the migraine from Hell.

Brass, at the other side of the room, was staring resolutely at a spot on the floor; while next to him Greg was doing to exact opposite, his dark eyes darting wildly around the small space. Doc Robbins was tapping his fingers lightly on his crutch, not taking his eyes off the wall in front of him.

Catherine was curled up on one chair, her head resting on Warrick's lap. Her eyes were closed, but she was awake.

Nobody spoke.

X x x

Just as they were beginning to feel like they were going to choke on the silence, the heavy wooden door creaked open. Everyone's gaze moved to the threshold, where Sofia crept in quietly.

"I just spoke to one of the nurses." Her voice was hoarse and weak. "Sara's still in surgery, she's lost a lot of blood. It's still touch and go at the minute.

Catherine had sat up at the detective's entrance and ran a hand through her limp hair tiredly. She still had Sara's blood streaked down her face, now mixed with her own salty tears.

"Hey Cath, we're going to be here a while, why don't you go clean yourself up?" Nick suggested softly. Catherine shook her head, rubbing the back of her hand absently.

"I'm ok." She answered, not really paying attention to anyone in the room.

"She's not going anywhere." Brass assured her, siding with Nick. "Go on." Seeing that Catherine wasn't really listening, Sofia gently took her arm and led her to the door.

X x x

Just getting outside that room, into the cool sterile air of the hospital corridors, woke Catherine up slightly. She followed Sofia obediently, not saying a word.

In the women's bathroom, Sofia left her staring sadly at her reflection while she dampened a few paper towels. She carefully moved Catherine's hair aside and began cleaning the dried blood away. Catherine didn't seem to notice this, staring into her own eyes; miles away.

"She promised me." She mumbled quietly. Sofia stopped her motions briefly, studying Catherine's face.

"You knew?" She asked softly, continuing her work. Cath shook her head, closing her eyes to stop the gathering tears from falling.

"I didn't know things were this bad." She swallowed, wiping at her eyes futilely. "I thought...I thought she would talk to me before it got this bad."

"You know Sara, she's too proud for her own good." Sofia offered, trying to ease the other woman's guilt, but Catherine shook her head sadly. She didn't correct Sofia; she couldn't get into that right now.

The detective knew she was missing something here but decided not to push it right now. There was time for that later, once Sara was out of the woods.

She noticed that Catherine was rubbing the back of her hand again. She took Cath's cold hand in her own and turned it over. There were five bloody streaks across the pale skin. Slowly, she nodded as she realised what they were from. Catherine was staring at them sadly, not even trying to hide her tears anymore.

"She was trying so hard to hold on."

X x x

The room was silent, and no one seemed willing to break the quiet that had descended on them.

Again, they all turned to the door when the women reappeared. Catherine immediately reclaimed her seat, slumping against the back tiredly. Sofia sat on the floor, leaning her head against the wall, eyes drifting closed. All of a sudden the silence seemed deafening.

Taking a deep breath in a failed attempt to steady his voice, Nick spoke.

"Why would she do this?"

"Why didn't she say anything?" Warrick asked, not even wanting to think about Nick's question for the time being. "If things were this bad, she should have told us."

Catherine could feel Sofia's eyes on her but kept her gaze averted. Grissom had looked up and seemed to be debating whether or not to speak up.

"A better question is how are we going to fix it?" Nick asked, running a hand through his hair for the millionth time.

"Maybe she just needs some time off. A break, you know, to sort out ... whatever it is. A chance to get some help" Greg suggested hopefully, dry tear tracks marring his youthful expression.

"I think it'll take more than that." Catherine sighed, keeping her voice low. If it was going to come out, it may as well be now.

"What do you mean?" Warrick asked, eyeing her closely.

"She means this isn't something that a holiday can fix." Brass piped up. "Sara's been dealing with a lot of stuff recently, stuff from her childhood. It's ... it's bad." He said, not sure how else to explain it.

"Sara's been self-harming for years Greg." Doc Robbins took over explaining, "she's probably been working up to this for a while."

"Why?" Greg squeaked out.

"How do you guys know this?" Nick asked, a question which fell between them all like a rock. One by one, eyes landed on Grissom.

"I took her file from her counsellor's office." He explained, holding his breath for the outburst that never came. The only sound in the room was Warrick's chair creaking as he leant forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

"You stole her confidential file?" He clarified, an edge to his deep voice.

"Yes. We've been trying to help her deal with the things in there, the things she needed to work through." He explained, trying to change the focus of the conversation back to Sara.

"We?" Nick asked. "Who else knew?" Even as he asked the question his eyes flicked to Catherine. She nodded imperceptibly.

"You guys knew that she was self-harming?" Warrick asked, standing up. ""You knew and you didn't stop her?"

"We tried." Catherine said, running a hand through her hair. "What did you want me to do, strap her down, watch her 24/7?"

"You should have told us!" Nick blew up, throwing his hands in the air. "We could have gotten through to her."

"We all talked to her Nick," Grissom said eagerly. "It didn't work." Instantly the Texan's eyes sought out Brass and Doc Robbins.

"You guys knew as well?" He asked. "What the Hell?"

"So, what? You stole her file and then passed it around the lab?" Sofia chimed in. "Make a good bedtime story did it?"

"It wasn't like that." Grissom insisted. "We were trying to help her."

"She was getting help. She was seeing a counsellor!" Warrick shouted.

"It's not that simple Rick, you don't know what she's been through." Catherine tried, leaping to her feet.

"No, because you didn't tell us!"

"We didn't want more people than necessary knowing." Grissom said, and Nick whirled on him.

"We are her family! We are necessary!"

Greg had yet to say a word, watching this flurry of words being tossed around the room. He was the first person to notice the nurse scowling at them all from the doorway.

"Hey, guys! Guys!" He called, getting their attention. They all turned in tandem to follow his line of sight. The nurse looked form on the next, one eyebrow raised in contempt. Her voice stiff she finally addressed them:

"Miss Sidle is awake."


	18. Chapter 18

Awake was perhaps a slight exaggeration. When Catherine crept into the sterile cubicle Sara was on her side with her eyes closed. Cath walked slowly up to the bed, sensing the others creeping in behind her. Sofia, Brass and Doc stayed near the door, not wanting to crowd her.

As Catherine reached the bed she reached out a tentative hand to stroke Sara's cheek lightly with the back of her fingers. Sleepy brown eyes blinked open.

"Hey," Catherine said softly, smiling down at the girl. Sara didn't answer. Her eyes scanned hazily across her visitors before drifting closed again. They all watched her for a moment or two, but it was clear that Sara was not waking up properly tonight. Cath swept her dark curls aside and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "You sleep baby girl." She whispered against her ear.

One by one they filed back out, leaving the brunette to get some rest.

X x x

They all drifted off home, but none of them slept. When they returned to the hospital, shuffling through the winding corridors, they all looked as rough as each other. Sara had been moved into a private room; a drip fixed to her arm and a heart monitor beeping incessantly beside her bed.

Catherine had beaten them all to it.

When she arrived Sara was in much the same position as the day before, but this time when her eyes blinked open they remained that way.

"Hey lady," Catherine said softly, brushing her hair aside. "How're you feeling?" She perched on the edge of the bed, taking Sara's hand in hers. Her stomach lurched at the feeling of soft white bandage beneath her touch.

"I'm okay." Sara mumbled. She shuffled, turning onto her back. "You think I'm crazy." She stated, eyeing Catherine suspiciously. No point beating about the bush.

"What do you think?" Cath answered sarcastically. She gripped Sara's hand tighter. "Sara, why did you do this?" She asked sadly, fixing her with an eager look. The brunette looked away and shrugged, staring resolutely at the blanket. Catherine was about to ask again when the door creaked open and Nicky's head popped around.

"Hey, we good to come in?" He asked, a soft smile gracing his face as his eyes settled on Sara. She looked much more awake now, and there was more colour to her cheeks.

She nodded shyly, to avoid question time with Catherine more than anything.

One by one they filed into the room, gathering around the bed. Brass and Doc hovered at the end of the bed while the boys made a bee-line for their girl. They took it in turns to wrap her in a tight hug, one that Greg did not seem willing to end.

Grissom did not approach the bed, preferring to linger by the door.

"Hey girl, what you done to yourself?" Warrick asked, enveloping her in his tight embrace. She settled for answering by burying her head against his strong chest. He hugged her close, running a hand through her soft hair. Catherine rubbed her leg gently through the blanket. Sara sighed deeply, nuzzling against Warrick.

"Are you okay?" Grissom asked, drawing attention to himself.

"I'm fine." Sara said huskily, avoiding eye contact.

"Jeez sweetie, what were you trying to do?" Nick asked, but one look from Catherine warned him to drop the subject for now. Sensing the awkward atmosphere, Greg took it upon himself to change the subject.

"Hey, we got the rapist." He said. Sara attempted a smile.

"That's great." She nodded appreciatively at his attempts. Her eyes flicked self-consciously around the room. Warrick rubbed her back softly, feeling her muscles stiffen.

"Hey Nick, why don't we go find a vending machine." He suggested, locking eyes with the Texan.

"No, I'm good thanks." He said obliviously.

"Sure you don't want a cup of coffee?" The dark skinned man pressed between gritted teeth, making his point clear.

"Oh, oh yeah." Nick said, catching on. "Coffee. Um, anyone else want anything?"

"Yeah, I could do with some sludge right now." Brass said following them out.

Sara shuffled uncomfortably as they filed out. Doc Robbins and Grissom exchanged a look while Greg took Warrick's place next to the bed.

"Catherine." Grissom cleared his throat.

"What?" She answered, not taking her eyes off the girl in front of her.

"Can I speak to you outside?"

"No." She answered bluntly. Sara looked between them sheepishly. It didn't exactly take a great leap of the imagination to figure out what they wanted to talk about.

"Catherine." He tried again, more forcefully. This time she looked up, fixing him with a pissed off expression. "Outside."

He walked out, not giving her a chance to argue. Doc Robbins followed, not wanting to miss this conversation.

Cath squeezed Sara's hand briefly and whispered that she would be right back. Reluctantly releasing the brunette, she shuffled out after the men.

X x x

"What?" She barked once the door clicked closed. "What do you want?"

Grissom looked momentarily taken aback by her response, but recovered quickly.

"We need to talk about what to do about this." He stated obviously.

"Now? Gil she just woke up." Cath pointed out.

"How long are we supposed to leave it? A week, a month?" He asked, his voice rising by an octave.

"I don't know," Cath threw her hands up. "At least until she's got her head around what happened?"

"And how long will that take? Catherine, we need to do something before things get worse."

"What's she going to do, Grissom? She's in a hospital bed under constant surveillance."

"She's not going to be forever. Sooner or later she's going to be released." He barked back.

"And we'll deal with it then." She insisted, turning back to the door. Grissom's hand on her arm stilled her motions.

"When she gets out of here she's going to do it again." He said, his blue eyes flaming with fear and anger.

"So what do you suggest? We lock her in here?" His expression implied that that was indeed what he was suggesting. Her eyes widened. "No!"

"Well what do you suggest?"

"Anything but that! We can deal with it..."

"Like you were dealing with it?" He interrupted sardonically. Catherine's expression belayed her shock.

"Hey, Gil." Doc Robbins started, hobbling closer on his crutches. "Calm down, this isn't helping."

"Stay out of this Al." Grissom snapped at him, turning his attention back to the blonde.

"Hey, I care about Sara too. But Catherine is not to blame for this."

Grissom scoffed but before he could retort Brass and the boys came barrelling down the hallway.

"Hey, we can hear you down the hall, what the Hell Griss?" Nick snapped, shoving his boss away from Catherine. "You okay?" he asked her.

"I can manage Nick." The woman bristled.

"Gil?" Brass said, his voice rumbling deep and low.

"It's fine Jim." He answered tiredly, regretting the intrusion.

"What's going on?" Warrick asked, looking from one to the next.

"Grissom wants to have Sara sectioned." Cath snapped, flicking her hair over her shoulder angrily.

"What?" Warrick asked, stunned.

"Grissom man, you can't be serious!" Nick said, shaking his head.

"Yeah, come on. She's not..."

"She's suicidal." He cut Warrick off mid sentence. Brass decided to take a shot, stepping closer.

"Grissom, come on. You know Sara. You really think locking her up is a good idea. If anything it'll make her more likely to do something stupid."

"Maybe it's not a bad idea." Doc chipped in, drawing attention to himself. Catherine's eyes searched his face frantically, hoping to God that he was not serious. "With all due respect Jim, she's already done something stupid. What if next time she's not so lucky?"

"There won't be a next time, we won't let that happen." Nick insisted.

"You don't know that Nick!" Grissom shouted.

"She needs support Gil, not locking away from her friends. Her family."

"We can't handle her alone Catherine." Grissom countered. "All I'm saying is there are treatments out there that I think we should look into."

"Like having her committed?"

"There are things that can be done to fix this. There are medications, treatments. Electroconvulsive therapy..."

"No!" Catherine cut him off right there.

"I'm not saying we have to, I'm just saying they're options..."

"No way! No one is sending an electric shock through her head!"

"Catherine..." Doc Robbins tried to calm her down but it was to no avail.

"NO! She needs love and ... and support, not someone messing around inside her head."

"Since when were you a qualified therapist?" He snapped, throwing his hands up.

Arguments began to fly, with no real sense of direction anymore, until a surprisingly fierce Greg Sanders flung the door open.

"SHUT UP!"


	19. Chapter 19

"Greg." Sara interrupted his flow of babbling. He paused, hands poised mid air and turned to look at her. He had perched on the edge of the bed next to her. She looked up at him with sad eyes. "You don't have to do this." She croaked. He dropped his hands, looking idly around the room for a moment.

"Why did you do it?" He asked eventually when the silence got too much for him to bear. She leant her head against his shoulder tiredly.

"I had to." She mumbled sleepily.

"No you didn't," he said eagerly.

"Yes, I did." She countered softly. "It was the only way they'd listen." His dark eyes tried to seek out hers but she was avoiding all possible chance of that.

"Who?" He asked after much deliberating.

"Everyone." She said, finally meeting his gaze, albeit briefly. "Greg...they were suffocating me! I couldn't breathe." She said, her voice trembling with unshed tears. "They kept arguing over what to do about me, I couldn't take it anymore." He rubbed comforting circles on her back, trying to calm her breathing down. She took a few deep breaths before continuing. "I was heading to Grissom's office and I heard him and Catherine arguing over whether or not to send me to a shrink. I just snapped."

She swallowed hard, wiping pathetically at her tears. "I ran into the bathroom and ..." She left it hanging, deciding that she didn't need to go into details. Greg blinked away his tears, hugging Sara closer.

"_You can't be serious!"_ Nick's voice filtered through the walls. Sara stiffened at the raised voice, her eyes latching onto the closed door.

There were some muted mutterings followed by an outburst in a voice that was undoubtedly Catherine's.

"_No one is sending an electric shock through her head_!" Sara's eyes widened impossibly. Greg looked from her to the door, gaping like a fish out of water.

"Greg?" She squeaked, looking up at him with terrified eyes that where glistening with tears.

"_NO!"_ Catherine again.

Sara's face was streaked with salty tears by now as her breathing hitched in her throat.

"Make them stop." She whispered, curling into a tight ball. Greg tugged her closer slightly, before releasing her completely and launching himself at the door.

The scene before him almost made him baulk. They hadn't even noticed him, so he took a deep breath.

"SHUT UP!" He practically screamed, more forcefully than he ever had before.

Suddenly the noise stopped. Everyone turned to stare at the fuming lab rat. His cheeks were flushed and his breathing was heavy. If it weren't for his slight build they would have likened him to a pissed off bull.

"God! What is wrong with you?" He snapped, on the verge of hitting someone.

"Greg we're just trying to help her!" Grissom interjected.

"You think this is helping?" Greg bawled, throwing his hands up. "It's all your fault that she's here!"

"Who's fault?" Grissom frowned.

"All of you! Fighting over her like she's not even there! You pushed her over the limit. You weren't helping her then and you're not helping her now!"

They all looked at each other guiltily, but Greg wasn't finished his rant yet.

"If you really want to help her, why don't you ask _her_ what will help?" While he was speaking Catherine had moved and caught sight of Sara curled up on the bed, her fragile body wracked with silent sobs. She shoved past Greg, not waiting to hear any more. She sensed someone trying to follow her but guessed that Greggo had stopped them.

"Greg, we know what we're doing." Grissom stepped in.

"I know Sara better than you do. I know that controlling her life won't help her!" As he spoke he glanced over his shoulder. Sara was buried in Catherine's arms and the blonde was running her fingers through her hair.

Deciding to give them some privacy, he let the door slide to a quiet close.

X x x

Catherine bulleted to Sara's side, engulfing the trembling body in a tight hug.

"It's okay baby." She whispered. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm so sorry." She pressed a kiss into Sara's hair. "It's okay. We're going to fix this. Everything's going to be okay." Sara nestled herself into the crook of Catherine's neck, hot damp tears streaking down the blonde's tender skin. Cath made herself more comfortable on the bed, curling up next to Sara to she could hold her better, letting the brunette rest her head against her chest. "It's all going to be okay now." She promised, kissing the top of her head. "You can call the shots from here, alright? We're not going to do anything you don't want."

Sara snuffled and nestled against her closely, regaining control of her breathing. Eventually, the tears stopped falling.

"Does that mean you're not still planning on electrocuting me?" She quipped.


	20. Chapter 20

**Not my best work but let me know what you think anyway x**

**x x x x**

Catherine jolted awake at the sound of the door creaking open. Her sleepy eyes scanned the room, eventually landing on Grissom. He was hovering in the threshold, one eyebrow raised suspiciously. She shifted her gaze down to the brunette who was snoozing peacefully against her shoulder. She smiled softly at the sleeping girl, placing a tender kiss against her forehead.

"Everyone gone?" Cath asked huskily, dragging her eyes back to Grissom, who had moved closer to the bed.

"Yeah. Nick and Warrick are dropping Greg off at home and Al and Brass are getting something to eat before heading home." He said, shuffling awkwardly. She nodded, not really listening. Sara snuffled and snuggled closer, nestling her head against Catherine's chest. Cath smiled down at her, running her fingers through soft brown curls. "How's she doing?" His voice called her back from her thoughts.

"She's okay. Just...sleeping."

"Oh." Grissom said, nothing much else to say. There was a moment's uncomfortable silence. "So, what are we going to do?" He asked at last. She eyed him carefully.

"What?"

"About, you know..." He gestured awkwardly to the sleeping girl.

"Gil," Cath sighed, "Did you not learn anything from that little show in the hallway?" He blinked.

"No. We still need to help her."

"And we're going to let her call the shots." Cath added pointedly.

"You think that's a good idea?" He pursed his lips.

"You heard Greg. If we hadn't been trying to take over her life in the first place this would never have happened." She said, throwing up her free hand, her other being pinned beneath Sara.

"Oh, Greg means well but..."

"Greg is Sara's best friend, if anyone can get her to open up its him." Grissom actually looked offended at her words. "What? He is." She reiterated. "And if he says we have to let her decide what happens from here then I'm willing to go for that."

"Catherine..." Grissom started but a soft voice interrupted.

"You should listen to her, she knows what she's talking about." Sara's eyes were closed and her face was contentedly soft but she was definitely awake.

"Hey, didn't your mother ever tell you it's rude to eavesdrop?" Cath joked, brushing her hair out of her eyes tenderly.

"My mother only ever said two words to me." Sara mumbled dryly. Cath's face fell when she realised what she meant. She was about to apologise profusely but Sara changed the subject easily. "What time is it?"

"Uh, late." Cath answered, thrown off by her slip up. "Or early, however you want to look at it." Sara shuffled into a more seated position and finally blinked her eyes open. She looked from Grissom to Catherine and back again.

"I don't suppose there you're both here to bust me out of here?" She asked with mock hope.

"No..." Cath started, thinking about how to proceed. Fortunately, once again Grissom took over that duty.

"We want you to see a therapist." He jumped in. Sara blinked at him.

"If memory serves correct I was seeing a therapist." She stated dryly. Grissom sucked in a breath, trying to regain him composure.

"Yes, well that aside, I think it would be beneficial to see someone about...about what..."

"About my suicide attempt." She filled in for him bluntly. Both Grissom and Catherine swallowed.

"Yes." He said, his voice peculiarly high. "Well... I was thinking I could book you an appointment with a psychiatrist."

"What happened to me calling the shots?" She asked, raising an eyebrow.

"And you still can." Catherine assured her. "But, maybe it wouldn't hurt to talk to someone?" Grissom and Sara fixed her with matching shocked expressions. "When you're ready, of course." She added quickly. Sara couldn't find the words to reply so merely looked away. Grissom continued to stare at Catherine for a moment longer, before eventually changing the subject.

"You've got some time off work." She nodded, not looking up. She had been expecting that. "I was thinking maybe you should stay with someone." That too. "I've got a spare room." Her head shot up, eyes wide. She had not expected _that_.

"You want me to stay with you?" She asked, failing to keep the hint of apprehension out of her voice.

"Yes." He frowned, ever so slightly offended at her reaction. "Why?"

Catherine, thankfully, prevented her from having to answer.

"Maybe it would be better if you stayed with me." She was talking to Sara but her eyes were on Grissom and met his in a fiery battle when he looked up.

"Why?" He repeated.

"I just think it might be more appropriate." She said through a tight smile, unconsciously holding Sara closer to her. The brunette rested her head against Cath's shoulder, not speaking.

Not that she needed to, for her actions spoke a thousand words.

X x x

"You've changed your tune" Grissom said when they left the room. She quirked an eyebrow at him curiously. "About seeing a psychiatrist. I thought you were against the idea."

"No, I was against pushing her into doing something she doesn't want to. But I'm not blind Gil; I saw those cuts just as clearly as you did. I know she needs help, I just thought we should give her some time to heal first."

"She can do both." He frowned, puzzled.

"I mean heal mentally." Cath clarified. "It's taken her twenty years to talk about her childhood; she's going to need a bit of time before she can talk about this properly."

"Yeah...yeah, I guess." Grissom nodded, not entirely convinced. "And, why can't she stay with me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow of his own.

"The fact that you have to ask that is answer in itself." Cath said, running a hand through her untidy hair and yawning. "You are the cause of this little breakdown, you and that stupid file. Right now the last thing she needs is a daily reminder of why she can't bend her wrists."

"I won't do anything to make things worse." He insisted, getting frustrated. "I just want to help her."

"Well your idea of 'help' hasn't exactly provided fantastic results so far." She gestured to the closed door beside them. "You want to help, try to keep Ecklie off her back. Leave her to me." Grissom shuffled awkwardly, a childish pout tugging at his lips. Cath rolled her eyes. "I'm going to go find someone to talk see about getting her out of here sometime soon." She mumbled, ambling down the quiet corridor.

Once she was gone Grissom peered through the small window in Sara's door. She had rolled onto her side and was playing with a loose thread from the bandages around her wrist absently, her face a picture of sadness and loss.

Shaking his head softly he whispered to himself.

"I can help you Sara, just give me a chance."


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for all the reviews so far guys, keep 'em coming x**

**x x x x **

Catherine's high heels clipped down the quiet hallway. She reached Sara's room and glanced down the near deserted hallway. It was early and the only people around were tired nurses counting down the minutes to the end of their shift.

Taking a deep breath, she poked her head around the door. To her surprise, there was no Sara. She frowned at the empty room, glancing around.

"Excuse me." She called to a passing nurse. She was a small dark haired woman with a face that said she was in great need of a holiday. She whirled, fixing Catherine with a tired look. "I'm looking for Sara Sidle, she's not in her room." The nurse stared at her blankly for a moment until a light bulb seemed to go off.

"Oh! Miss Sidle was discharged this morning."

"What?" Catherine barked, making the short woman jumped.

"Yes, uh, she was picked up first thing." She continued, slightly nervous now in the presence of this irate woman.

"Picked up by who?" she demanded. The nurse shrugged.

"A man, early fifties. I could get the name if it's important..."

"No, forget it." She growled, stomping down the hallway, leaving the startled nurse in her wake.

X x x

Grissom flung the door open just in time before he ended up with a hole in it. He was met with the fiery gaze of Catherine Willows.

"Where is she?" she snarled.

"Where is who?" Grissom asked, the picture of calm.

"I just came from the hospital." She spat. "Where is Sara?" He didn't answer but then she didn't really give him chance as she forced her way into his townhouse.

"Catherine." He called after her, but she was halfway down the steps into his lounge.

"Sara?" She called, stalking round the house. The brunette appeared in the doorway to the spare bedroom, her bandaged hands stuffed awkwardly in her pockets. "There you are." Catherine sighed, approaching the girl. Sara smiled shyly. Cath wrapped her arms around her, holding her close. "Thank God you're alright."

"She's fine Catherine." Grissom snapped from somewhere behind them. Cath released Sara and turned on him, that cold glare returning like a flash.

"How dare you just take her like that? I was worried sick about her!"

"They said she could be released so I thought it best to get her out of there quickly."

"I thought we agreed she would stay with me." She snapped.

"You agreed. I didn't." Grissom said calmly. Her expression belayed her rage and he was beginning to regret opening the door when a quiet voice startled them both.

"I'm sorry." They turned to Sara, who was staring at the floor abashed.

"Oh no, honey, it's not your fault." Cath insisted, reaching out to stroke her arm gently. She fixed Grissom with a stern look. "Get me her things, I'm taking her home."

"She's going nowhere." Grissom snapped. "She's here now, she's staying here."

"Grissom, we agreed. It's best for her to stay with me."

"She needs someone to look out her, I can do that as well as you can."

"It was you 'looking out for her' that got her in this position in the first place, or had that little piece of information slipped your mind?"

"If I recall correctly it was both if us!"

"It was not!" She denied hotly.

"We were fighting over her. _We_!"

"Well, _we_ wouldn't have been fighting if you hadn't taken that damn file!"

"That file that you haven't even read." Grissom pointed out. "You only know half of her story, how can you help her if you don't know the rest?"

"I don't need to know the rest, I know enough." Cath sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I know that she needs people supporting her, people who will help her by talking to her, rather than stealing from her shrink behind her back!"

"Catherine you know why I did that!" Grissom snarled, getting frustrated. "If you were in my place can you say with all honesty that you wouldn't have been tempted?"

"No, I wouldn't. Grissom..."

Sara..." Grissom stopped her mid-rant, his hand poised in the air. He turned in a full circle, his face a picture of bafflement. "Where's Sara?" Catherine glanced around herself. Apparently at some point during their fight Sara had vanished from the room.

"Sara?" Cath called, tapping lightly on the bedroom door behind her. She tried the handle but it was locked.

"Sara, open the door." Grissom added.

"Why weren't you watching her?" she hissed to him.

"Me? I thought I wasn't responsible enough to watch her!" He snapped sarcastically. There was a noise from the bedroom and they both fell silent.

"Honey, we're sorry. We'll stop fighting I promise, just..." Cath froze, Greg's words coming back to haunt her.

"_It's all your fault that she's here!"_

"_Fighting over her like she's not even there! You pushed her over the limit. You weren't helping her then and you're not helping her now!"_

"_Why don't you ask _her_ what will help?"_

"Sara," She said softly, leaning against the door. "Baby it's okay now. It's up to you alright, we won't make you stay anywhere you don't want to." Still no answer. Panic was creeping into their minds now.

"Catherine," Grissom hissed in her ear, "my razors are in there." Cath's breath hitched.

"Sara, open the door." She demanded. "You can call the shots Sara but I need you to open the door." There was not a sound from the other side. "Give me your credit card." She said, and it took Grissom a moment to realise that she was talking to him. He grabbed his wallet off the counter and pulled out a card with trembling hands. She snatched it off him and slid it between the doorjamb, feeling his anxious gaze on her as she focused on her work. With a quiet click she heard the lock give way and hurled the door open.

The bedroom was empty. Grissom made a beeline for the en-suite, but that too was deserted.

The curtain flapped helplessly in the soft breeze that was drifting in through the open window...


	22. Chapter 22

"She's not answering." Catherine sighed, her eyes peeled on the street whizzing past the window.

"I can't believe you lost her." Grissom muttered to himself.

"Me? You were the one who left her in a room with a lock and bathroom full of razor blades!" She snapped, hitting redial for the millionth time.

X x x

She watched her phone trill helplessly, echoing in the small space.

"They're worried about you."

X x x

"Damn it!" Cath cursed, running a hand through her hair. "Answer your damn phone Sidle!" She barked to the standard voicemail message.

Almost as soon as she hung up Grissom's phone rang. He groped frantically for it, trying to maintain control the car at the same time.

"Hello?" He answered desperately. Catherine stared at his face eagerly, watching as his expression turned from hope to exasperation. "Not now Greg!" He snarled. He was about to hang up when something made his face pale. "She's with you?" Without a second thought Catherine grabbed the phone from his hand.

"Greg? Is she alright?"

"She's fine." He answered coolly. She could hear the wind through the phone so guessed he was outside somewhere.

"Where are you?"

"Uh huh." She could practically see Greg shaking his head. "Not until you guys stop arguing about her."

"Greg." She growled.

"What? What's he saying?" Grissom asked, flicking his eyes from the road to her anxiously.

"Just tell me where you've taken her." She asked again, trying to control the tone of her voice. There was a pause on the other end and she was beginning to think he'd hung up on her when he sighed.

"We're at Lake Mead." He relented. She smiled gratefully, though he couldn't see it.

"Stay there, we're not far away." She snapped his phone shut and tossed it onto the back seat. "Lake Mead. Now."

X x x

"They coming?" Sara asked desolately, though she already knew the answer.

"Yeah." He replied, his voice hoarse. She nodded, not raising her eyes. She was sat on the grassy slope, facing the lake. He shook his head sadly, watching her pick at the dry grass absently, letting it slip through her fingers. He hated seeing his best friend like this. With a soft sigh he dropped next to her and carefully picked up her hand, holding it loosely in his own. She smiled at the gesture, still refusing to meet his eyes. They sat like that for a while, just enjoying the quiet. It was still early and the tourists hadn't arrived for the daily picnics yet. Aside from a few dog walkers and joggers, they were the only people around. She leant her head against Greg's shoulder, letting her eyes drift closed tiredly.

"I fucked up." She mumbled at last.

"No you didn't." He said, gripping her hand tighter.

"Yes I did. I still am, look at me. I'm like Houdini on zolpidem." They both chuckled. "What am I going to do Greg?" She sighed. He thought about the question for a moment.

"What do you want to do?" She opened her mouth to speak but the crunching of gravel behind them stopped her. Doors slammed and hurried footsteps approached.

"Thank God." Catherine gasped, landing ungracefully on her knees behind her. "Are you alright?" She placed her hands on Sara's shoulders, scanning her for more injuries. Sara nodded, leaning back into her touch. Suddenly Greg's hand was wrenched from hers as Grissom yanked the boy roughly to his feet.

"What were you playing at?" He growled, holding Greg by the scruff of his shirt.

"Don't!" Sara yelped, reaching up to him. "I called him." Grissom shifted his wide-eyed gaze to her but did not relinquish his hold on Greg.

"You did what?"

"I phoned him, asked him to come get me." She scrabbled to her feet and instantly went to Greg's side. Catherine watched them cautiously. Greg wriggled free from Grissom's grasp and wrapped a protective arm around Sara's waist, while Grissom still looked about read to deck the younger man. Deciding to diffuse the situation, she stepped to Sara's other side.

"As long as you're alright, that's the important thing." She rubbed slow, steady circles on Sara's back, trying to offer the girl some much needed comfort. "Why don't you go wait in the car, I'll be there in a minute." Sara sent an uncertain look Greg's way before sloping off to sit in the car.

As soon as she was out of earshot Grissom launched into it.

"What the hell were you thinking? Taking her away like that?"

"She called me, said you guys were fighting. She wanted me to get her out of there."

"So you snuck her out of my window?"

"She was scared! You guys were yelling again!" He stood his ground, an unfamiliar fierce look in his youthful eyes.

"Look, she's okay. That's the main thing." Cath repeated, sidling between them.

"He took her without saying a word Catherine!" Grissom shouted.

"Like you took her from the hospital?" She pointed out, silencing him. "Just be thankful she's safe." She patted Greg's arm as she walked away from them, heading back to the car. Grissom watched her walk away before turning back to the riled up Greg with a sullen expression that clearly said _this is not over_.

X x x

Cath slipped into the back seat next to Sara. The brunette was staring out of the window, determinedly avoiding her gaze.

"I'm sorry." Cath started. "I know I promised we weren't going to fight over you anymore."

"Its okay." Sara mumbled softly. They were silent for a moment as Cath tried to think how to play her next card.

"So, I was thinking, if I haven't put you off altogether, would you come stay with me for a while?" Sara finally turned to her, one eyebrow quirked. "You don't have to, it's your choice, I just thought... I'd really like you to." Cath added hurriedly. Sara's stony expression faded into a shy half smile.

"Are you really that desperate to keep an eye on me?" She asked a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Yes." Cath answered instantly, "I mean...I don't want to..." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I like having you around Sara, and I want to help you. I'm worried about you." She explained honestly. "So...is that a yes?"

And for the first time in days, Sara smile reached her deep hazel eyes.

**x x x x**

**Couldn't resist, had to have Greggo as the hero :) Let me know what you think, and thanks again for the reviews x**


	23. Chapter 23

Catherine clambered out of the car, feeling Sara's eyes on her through the windscreen as she made her way back up the grassy slope to the boys.

Greg was sat in much the same spot that Sara had been when they first arrived, his knees pulled up to his chest, slumped forward. Grissom was pacing, his face a picture of frustration. He cast his anxious gaze to Catherine as she approached, a hint of rage flickering behind his blue eyes.

"I'm talking her home." She stated before he could say a word. "My home."

"Catherine..."

"I'm doing what she wants Gil." She cut him off, maintaining a calm exposure despite the indignant anger flaring up inside her again. She could feel Greg's gaze on them from his spot a few feet away but he seemed to have opted against interfering and that was fine with her.

"Catherine, it is hardly going to help her by uprooting her again. Just give her a few days to settle in and she'll be fine where she is."

"With you, you mean?" She quipped, one eyebrow raised.

"And you're telling me you're not pushing this because you want her to stay with you?" He retorted. She laughed dryly, shaking her head.

"Alright, so maybe I do want her with me. But I also know that she wants to be with me." It was Grissom's turn to scoff but before he could form an answer Greg materialised beside them, having had enough of sitting on the sidelines.

"Catherine's right." His voice was soft, calmed than earlier. "Sara wants to be with her." Finally, Grissom seemed to think about this.

"She said that?" Greg nodded affirmative.

"Word for word." There was a clear change in Grissom's demeanour at his answer. His shoulders slumped and the fight in his eyes seemed to fade.

"Well then," he said, his usual cool detachedness creeping back into his features. "I guess it's settled." He shuffled back down to the car.

Greg smiled awkwardly at Catherine.

"Hey, thanks for taking my side earlier." He said.

"Oh don't get me wrong I'm pissed off at you." Her response took him by surprise and he opened and closed his mouth like a fish out of water. "You took her without saying a word, you refused to tell us where she was, and you pick a fight with Grissom in front of her." Greg nodded bashfully, staring at his shoes. Looking at his sad, soulful eyes Catherine's face softened. "Thank you." She said. His looked up, searching her face. "She needs someone like you right now." His face instantly brightened.

She patted his arm gently and turned to leave.

She barely got two feet away when his voice, light and upbeat again, halted her motions.

"Hey Cath," She turned, squinting up at him in bright morning sunlight. "She does want to let you help her, she just doesn't know how. Just...give her a chance."

X x x

"So...you really want to go?" Grissom asked nonchalantly, "Because you don't have to you know." She glanced up from her bag.

"Grissom, I... please I just..."

"Hey, you got everything?" Catherine asked, waltzing into the bedroom obliviously.

"Yeah, yeah I think so." Sara nodded, clearing her throat nervously. Cath picked up on her anxiety and cast an accusatory glance at Grissom.

"Everything okay?" She asked, quirking and eyebrow.

"Yeah. We ready to go?" Sara asked, edging towards the door.

"After you." She stepped aside, letting Sara slide past her and make a beeline for the front door. "What did you do?" Cath asked Grissom when they were alone, before holding up her hands. "Actually, I don't want to know."

X x x

Sara was pretty quiet on the ride home, choosing to stare out of the window at the town whizzing by, and Catherine was content to let her.

When they arrived at Catherine's house the blonde killed the engine and went to get out but Sara's weak grip on her arm stilled her motions.

"Is...do you think Grissom's going to be okay? ... With this?" She stumbled through her words, staring at Cath with a look that the older woman couldn't quite read. Cath took her hand, gently linking their fingers.

"Sara, honey, don't worry about him. We all just want what's best for you. As long as you feel safe, that's what's important." Behind her words there was a hidden fear. Had Sara actually wanted Sara to come to stay with her? Was she just as bad as Grissom, forcing Sara into something she didn't feel comfortable with? She was beginning to think that she had made a huge mistake when a look of unadulterated relief passed across Sara's face and erased all her fears.

X x x

"You hungry? I bet you haven't eaten all day." Cath called, coming down the stairs. "Sara?" She tried again when she got no answer.

And when she reached the lounge she found discovered why. "Oh." She gasped, a smile creeping onto her face.

She sat on the edge of the coffee table, reaching over to brush a strand of hair out of the sleeping Sara's eyes. "Tough day, huh?" She whispered, shaking her head.

Sara's eyes blinked open, squinting at the noon sunlight streaming into the lounge.

"Hey," Cath greeted cheerfully. "I was going to as if you were hungry but I think you need some sleep first." She chuckled softly. Sara nodded, her eyes drifting closed again. "Come on." Catherine said, tugging her to her feet by her elbow. "Must be tiring pulling your little escape mission, Little Miss Houdini." She joked dryly. Sara mumbled something incomprehensible but allowing the older woman to lead her upstairs.

When they reached the bedroom Sara fell unceremoniously onto the bed. Catherine had already moved her bags into the spare room. She found some clothes suitable for Sara to sleep in and placed them on the bed, before taking the bag into the en-suite under the guise of unpacking her toiletries.

While there, taking enough time to let Sara get changed, her hand closed around something at the bottom of the bag.

"Sara?" She asked from the bathroom doorway, holding up the little orange tub of pills. Unopened.

The brunette, now sat up in bed, looked at her warily, her defences crawling their way back into place.

"What are these?"

"What do they look like?" Sara asked, fidgeting with the blanket awkwardly with her bandaged hands. Cath sat on the edge of the bed next to her.

"Why haven't you taken them?" She glared up at Catherine, which was answer enough for the blonde. She twisted the lid until the tamper evident seal snapped and the child safety cap clicked off. She shook two small round, white pills into her hand and held them out but Sara just glared at them sullenly. "Please Sara, just take one." Cath begged, her blue eyes pleading with Sara's dark ones. The brunette slumped back against the pillows, letting her head fall to the side, away from Catherine. The older CSI rolled her eyes and put them on the bedside table, taking Sara's cold, trembling hand instead. "Talk to me Sar, why won't you take them?"

"Did you miss that bit of my sordid history?" The girl asked dryly, badly disguised exhaustion tugging at her voice. Catherine sighed.

"I told you, I didn't read all of that stupid file."

"Yeah, well maybe you should have." Sara muttered, more to herself than Cath, but she heard it all the same.

"What do you mean?" She frowned.

But it was too late. Sara was already asleep.


	24. Chapter 24

Catherine paced at the foot of the bed, casting uncertain glances at the sleeping brunette every now and then. She wrung her hands anxiously in between running them through them through her untidy strawberry blonde waves.

What had Sara meant? _"Maybe you should have." _Did Sara want her to read the rest? Did she want her to know the truth?

Her mind flashed back to the Lake; Greg's words to her before she left.

"_She does want to let you help her, she just doesn't know how." _

Catherine's eyes sought out Sara again in the dim light. Her breathing was even and soft, her face peaceful. Maybe she could help Sara to let her.

X x x

The drive to the lab went by in a blur.

The humidity was stifling today and the blast of cool air as she walked through the glass doors seemed to snap her out of her daze.

She walked straight past the reception desk, but then reconsidered. Turning back, she flashed Judy a false smile.

"Hi Judy, do you know whether Grissom's in today?" She asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

"No, he left about..."

"Great, thanks." She chirped, not sticking around to hear the rest.

X x x

With Grissom's office empty she could pull this off. She was pretty sure that the man had ignored everything she had said and still not returned that file, which meant it was still here somewhere.

For once she was thankful that Grissom was an untidy cretin. All of the last things he was looking at were at the top of the heap of junk cluttering his desk, and obviously Sara's past had been playing on his mind a lot lately.

She was in there barely three minutes when she spotted it, lying between two case files.

She picked it up, noticing for the first time that her hands were shaking. She faltered...did she really want to do this? Maybe it would be better just to ask Sara what she had meant.

After all, if she had misunderstood Sara's words...

"What are you doing?" She froze. Busted.

She had thought about Grissom.

She hadn't thought about Brass.

X x x

"Don't look at me like that Jim." Catherine sighed despondently.

"Like what?" He asked, a coldness to his voice that made her tense up in her seat. She could feel his eyes on her from across the desk, staring at her like Grissom had done so many times before.

"I don't know what else to do." She said, her watery eyes flicking up to meet his briefly, before darting across the room to fix on a random object. "She won't let me help her, but I know that she wants to. I know that she feels safe with me, its just..."

"And you think she still will after this?" He asked, unbridled emotion creeping back into his voice again.

"I don't know." She sighed honestly. "Its just...every time I think I'm getting somewhere with her she closes up again, and I know that the answer lies in here." She tapped the file sitting in her lap. "She as much as told me so tonight." A sudden look of fear crossed his face.

"Where is she now?" He asked, his voice hitching.

"Asleep." Cath said, calming his fears. "She was exhausted."

"Then why don't you leave her to get some sleep and talk to her in the morning. That thing," he indicated to the file, "is not going to win her over."

"And if she won't talk to me? Then what?" She asked eagerly, searching his face for an answer. But he didn't have one for her.

X x x

"Hey Doc, you got a sec?" She asked, poked her head around the door. He looked up from the battered looking body on his table.

"Catherine." He greeted, going back to his work, before pausing. "Weren't you supposed to be taking Sara home?"

"Yeah," She agreed, edging further inside. "She's asleep. But that's what I wanted to ask you actually." She pulled the file out from where it had been stashed behind her back and saw the look that passed his face.

"Catherine..." he started, but she cut him off.

"I haven't read it. I was just... thinking about it."

"Why?" He asked, placing his scalpel back down and fixing her with a confused look.

"Because I need help Doc. _She_ needs help, and I don't know how to give it to her." She sighed sadly. "I just thought that if I read all of this I might understand how to help her a bit better."

"But you haven't read it?"

"No, Brass doesn't think I should. And Grissom would call me a hypocrite if he knew I was even contemplating it. Which I guess I am." She dropped into his desk chair, burying her face in her hands.

"Read it." He said, taking her completely by surprise.

"What?" She asked, making sure she had heard him correctly.

"Read it. The more you know about her the better you can help her."

"I'm confused." She shook her head, standing up. "I thought you balled Grissom out for this." She shook the folder lightly.

"I did. But circumstances have changed now." He said.

"And you think it'll help?"

"Take Mr Butler here." He gestured to the dead man before them. "I could tell you that he drowned, but that doesn't help you a great deal." She frowned at his analogy but he continued, oblivious. "Or, I could tell you that he had a large quantity of alcohol in his system and several wounds that suggest he suffered a serious beating, before he drowned."

"What's your point Al?" She asked exasperated.

"The more information you have to go on, the better you can help her."

X x x

Catherine returned home much less sure of herself than she had been when she left.

She went straight upstairs, back to Sara's side. The brunette was still sleeping soundly, one arm tucked underneath her head. Catherine crept closer and perched on the edge of the bed, just watched her sleep for a moment or two. Unable to resist, she reached out and stroked her soft dark hair tenderly. Her own skin looked pale and ghostly in the dim light peeling in from the hallway.

"What am I going to do about you, girl?" She asked sadly, not expecting an answer. "I just wish you could tell me how to help you."

In the darkness, voices began to fill the silence in her head.

"_So you're suggesting we just leave her to it? Ignore what she's going through?"_

"_I don't want pity."_

"_She just seemed out of it. Like she barely heard me at all."_

"_Sara's self-harming...possibly suicidal."_

"_When she gets out of here she's going to do it again."_

"_Are you really that desperate to keep an eye on me?" _

"_You're the only one who stands a chance of getting through to her."_

Something in her seemed to snap. She launched herself across the room and dragged the chair, tucked in the corner beside the wardrobe, up against the bed. She picked up the file, abandoned on the bedside table, and deposited herself into the chair. There was enough light filtering through from the hall that she didn't need to turn the lamp on.

As she turned the first page Sara sighed softly in her sleep. Catherine chose to take that as a good sign and began reading, from the beginning.


	25. Chapter 25

**Little shorter than usual but hopefully worth it ;) x**

**x x x x **

Catherine didn't know whether to eat, sleep or go kill Grissom for ever bringing this damn file into her life.

She had only planned on skim reading it in case something jumped out at her, but against her every will she got dragged into it; both absorbed and paralysed by the details. By the time she turned to the last page tears were streaming unnoticed down her pale face. She could practically feel what Sara had felt; what she must feel every day.

But it was that last page, about a third of the way down, that made her heart stop.

X x x

In the end she did not eat or sleep, and she didn't kill Grissom. Yet. She paced. And while she paced, she muttered.

"What's going on?" A sleepy voice mumbled, interrupting her semi-mental rant. Catherine froze. She turned slowly towards the bed. She was beginning to think that she had imagined it: Sara had not moved and her breathing remained even. However her eyes fluttered open and fixed Cath with a curious look.

"Nothing." She said softly, stepping back to the head of the bed. Sara rolled over, arching her back off the mattress as she did. Cath sat back in the seat, resting her elbows on the bed and fixing the brunette with an uncertain smile. Sara's brown eyes flicked across her face, landing almost automatically on the bedside table. There, they stopped. "You said I should read it." Cath shrugged awkwardly, biting her lip. Even in the darkness she felt Sara's eyes jump back to hers, searching her face. To Cath's surprise, Sara nodded.

"You understand now?" She asked softly, sitting up and leaning against the headboard. Catherine but was about to speak but caught herself in time. She needed to make sure her and Sara were on the same page before she brought up _that _topic.

"Yeah." She nodded eventually.

"So you know why I don't want them." Okay, she knew what they were talking about now.

"Yes I do." Catherine agreed, knowing for definite what they were talking about now. "And I understand you're fear, I do. But..." Sara turned her head away, obviously not interested in hearing the rest, but Catherine persisted, placing a hand on her arm. "Hey, I get it honey, I do." She said, gripping her hand. "You're scared. You don't trust drugs, of any kind, in case it's not what it should be."

Sara was looking at her again, her gaze both attentive and cautious.

"But I am not your mother." Cath pointed out. "And I am not going to give you anything to hurt you."

"I know." Sara said softly, her voice weak.

"Okay." Catherine nodded encouragingly. "Okay, so then..." She picked up the pot of pills, sitting untouched behind the file on the bedside table. Sara watched her movements carefully. "...will you trust me?"

X x x

"Just take it." Cath said softly, enclosing Sara's fingers around the tub. "Look, you saw me open these earlier. They weren't tampered with, and they have been sat here ever since. What is in that tub is what is on the label." Sara automatically read the label, her eyes scanning over the list of small typed writing. "See, there's nothing that's going to hurt you." Catherine assured her. She took them back and shook one small white tablet into her hand. She held it out to Sara, who took it cautiously with shaking fingers. "It's okay." Catherine promised, smiling encouragingly. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Sara placed it on her tongue and swallowed hard. Catherine's smile widened, her fingers tightening around Sara's.

"Good girl." She lunged forward and kissed her forehead tenderly. "I'm proud of you." Sara's eyes flicked to hers, watery and scared, but grateful.

Catherine remained silent for a moment, giving Sara a chance to come to terms with what she had just done. Finally, she spoke again, soft and low.

"I wish you'd have told me about your feelings for me." Sara's eyes flashed to hers, wide with undisguised shock; a look that Catherine couldn't help but smile at. "Yes, I read that too." She saw Sara's gaze flick to the file and back to hers. Her mouth opened and closed but no words were uttered. Cath leant closer, gripping her hand gently with both of hers. "Sara, honey, why didn't you say anything?" she pressed, keeping her voice light.

"Like what?" She finally managed to stumble out. "Hey, I know you're straight and completely uninterested and I know this will make work intolerably uncomfortable but I thought you should know that I can't stop thinking about you?" The blonde couldn't help but smirk during Sara's sarcastic little rant. Even in the dim light she could see the young woman's cheeks turning a pretty shade of pink. She chuckled softly, stroking the back of Sara's hand with the pad of her thumb.

"Oh Sara, darling." She sighed. "Did you really think it would be a problem?" Sara shrugged, avoiding eye contact. "Hon, do you think that, in all these years, I have never had a crush on a colleague?" She laughed again at the thoughtful expression that crossed the brunette's face. She pushed herself up off the chair and pressed a kiss into Sara's hair. "Get dressed, I'll make you something to eat." She started to leave, pausing in the doorway only to send the bemused CSI one final, baffling comment.

"Hey Sar," She waited until she had the girl's full attention, "who said I was straight?" with a smile and a wink, she was gone.


	26. Chapter 26

Sara crept down the stairs cautiously, her bandaged hands gripping the banister tightly.

The faint sound of clattering from the kitchen indicated Catherine's presence and she padded across the living room, following the sounds.

Cath had her back to the door, rummaging in the fridge. Sara couldn't help but take the moment to admire the blonde. Her strawberry hair had been pulled into an untidy ponytail and she obviously had not slept. She was still in the jeans and long sleeved t-shirt from the earlier, now crumpled from her persistent pacing and anxious tugging of the sleeves.

She looked beautiful.

"You gonna stand there all day?" Cath's voice snapped her back to the scene. She had not turned around but had felt the brunette's eyes on her back. When she did turn Sara was still loitering in the doorway with a startled expression on her pale face. Too pale, she thought. "Sit down sweetie." Sara did as asked, stiff and uncertain as she moved.

As soon as she was sat down she began fidgeting with a loose thread on her bandage around her wrist. Catherine watched her silently for a moment before rolling her eyes and going back to cooking.

"Are you?" Sara asked at last. Cath turned to her.

"Am I what?" She asked, puzzled.

"Straight." Sara stated obviously, a small frown etched into her forehead. Cath chuckled softly and tossed her tea towel onto the counter. She sighed and wandered over to the table, resting her hands on its surface to stare into confused brown eyes. Her face was inches from Sara's.

"You tell me?" She asked playfully, a mischievous sparkle behind her blue eyes. Sara's expression seemed to get even more perplexed as she struggled for words. Deciding to put her out of her misery, Cath closed the gap between them and pressed her lips to Sara's in a gentle kiss.

Sara didn't respond. She sat there frozen to the spot as Catherine pulled back and smirked at her.

"No, I'm not." She stood up and ran a hand through Sara's hair as she walked past her, continuing with her work as if nothing had happened.

Sara watched her in bafflement. Even if she knew what to say right now, she couldn't have formed words. Her heart was pounding in her chest; the only sound her own blood rushing through her ears. Her whole body felt like it was a flame.

She had just about regained her composure enough to breathe properly when she felt something against her back as Catherine leant over her to place a plate in front of her. She felt blonde hair tickle her neck and hot breath on her skin as Cath leant down, her hands on Sara's shoulders, and spoke into her ear; soft and warm.

"If you need me I'll be upstairs." Her hand grazed the back of Sara's neck as she drifted past, letting her fingers linger on the skin a little longer than necessary.

X x x

'Why had she just done that?'

The was the first thought that hit her as she stepped under the hot water, letting it refresh her body and mind.

Sara had to come to her for support and help, not a come on. She buried her head in her hands and groaned out of frustration. What was she thinking?

More to the point, what was Sara thinking?

Did she think Catherine wanted a relationship with her? Could Sara even hold a relationship the way she was feeling right now?

Another question, one that had been burning untouched at the back of her mind long before any of this had come about, jumped into her consciousness.

Did she want something more with Sara?

Either way, it didn't matter right now. Sara was sick, she needed taking care off. And Catherine needed to talk to her, soon. If for nothing else, then to explain her earlier actions; chalk it up to stress and lack of sleep.

X x x

She was planning out in her head what she was going to say as she got dressed when she heard a quiet knock on the bedroom door. She wandered out of the en-suite and found Sara hovering uncertainly in the threshold.

"What's wrong honey?" She asked, dropping her towel onto the bed. Sara opened her mouth to speak but the words didn't seem to want to come out so she just held up her left hand. The bandage was partially unravelled and hanging limply.

"I was going to take a shower; I tried to take it off but..." Sara explained, gesturing awkwardly to the bathroom behind her and her other hand, which was not much use to her at the moment.

"It's okay." Cath said, encouraging her to sit down on the bed. She retrieved a pair of scissors from the table and sat next to her. Carefully she cut the bandages off, turning both of Sara's hands over to examine the healing wounds. They were healing, but they were still raw and angry. And nothing could remove the feeling of guilt they stirred within the blonde. "When you're done I'll redress them." She said quietly, releasing the girl.

X x x

Catherine got the supplies that the hospital had provided Grissom when he took Sara. She laid them, ready for when she needed them: bandages, water, a clean cloth, cream.

When Sara was finished in the bathroom she came straight back to Catherine's room as instructed and perched on the edge of the bed. Her hands were huddled inside the sleeves of her bathrobe, hidden from sight.

Catherine heard her come in and turned, casting her glance over the girl. Her hair was falling over her shoulders in damp little coils. Her skin still looked pale, almost white; it almost blended in with her cream bathrobe. If Cath didn't know better she would have said she was an angel.

Sighing softly, she next to her friend and carefully took her right hand, rolling the sleeves of the soft bathrobe up.

Sara's hands were cold and shaking in her gentle grip. Cath's eyes flicked up to hers.

"Sara, you okay?" She asked softly.

"I'm fine." Sara mumbled.

"You're trembling." She pointed out, beginning to cleanse the wound. Sara didn't answer.

They remained in silence as Cath finished and went on to the left arm, swallowing back tears with every wince and whimper her motions elicited.

"I can't make it stop." Sara admitted quietly. Catherine looked up, noticing for the first time tears streaking down the creamy white skin. She brushed them away with a gentle swipe of her hand.

"It'll stop." Cath promised, gripping both her hands to still the trembling. Her eyes caught a strip of skin visible beneath Sara's robe. _That scar_...

Releasing the brunette, she stood up and went to her dressing table, returning with a familiar little bottle. Sara instantly sat up straight, knowing what was coming.

Cath reclaimed her seat and tugged the top of Sara's robe down, tenderly massaging the oil into the scar. She was so absorbed in what she was doing, absorbed by the feel of the soft skin beneath her fingertips, that she didn't notice Sara lean forward until it was too late.

Her fingers tightened on Sara's shoulder out of instinct. Two hands gripped the front of her shirt, holding her close.

A voice at the back of her head told her that this was wrong, that she should stop it.

But her head had lost all control the second Sara's lips had touched hers.

X x x

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Sara reach for the lamp by the bed, but a hand shot out to stop her motions.

"Leave it on." She gasped between rushed kisses and moans. Slowly, Sara's hand disappeared back under the blanket. Back to the warmth of Catherine's body.

Their hearts pounded against each other's chest, creating a drum beat that was all their own. Soft hands roamed excitedly and nervously at the same time; seeking new, undiscovered areas of skin.

And, for one night only, Sara's scars seemed to disappear.

**x x x x **

**:) reviews make me happy **


	27. Chapter 27

It was not the feel of another person's body against her own, or the warm breath tickling her neck, or even the feeling of a gentle hand trailing absently across her back; no, the thing that woke her was the feeling of guilt that seemed to creep into her consciousness from that part of her brain which had finally kicked back in.

Sara's peaceful, sleeping face did nothing to ease the feeling either. She had sworn to herself that nothing could happen and less than an hour later she had done the exact opposite of nothing.

With a sigh she disentangled herself from Sara and sat up. As she rubbed her eyes tiredly, they glimpsed the clock by the side of her bed.

"Oh God!" She hissed, throwing herself out of bed.

X x x

She was just barely dressed when she landed ungracefully at the bottom of the stairs. And good thing too, because there, smiling innocently at her, was her little girl.

"Hi mommy." Lindsey greeted, running over to her. Cath scooped her up, inhaling the soft scent of strawberries as she held her against her chest.

"Hey baby," She said, relief flooding her voice. "I was just coming for you; did Aunt Nancy pick you up?" She asked, setting her back on the floor.

"Yep." Lindsey nodded. "She's in the kitchen." Catherine froze.

"She's still here?" She asked. Lindsey nodded, smiling up at her mother. "Lindsey babe, why don't you finish watching your cartoons okay?" She asked noting the TV chatting to itself. The little girl clambered back onto the couch and picked up her half-eaten sandwich.

X x x

Catherine swallowed hard as she crept into the kitchen. Nancy was sat at the table, coffee in hand, with her back to the door, but even from here Cath could see the tension oozing off her.

"Decided to get up then." She spoke coolly.

"Yeah, I'm so sorry. I guess I was just wiped out, I only just woke up. Thanks for..." Cath babbled, walking around the table.

"Forget it." Nancy waved a disregarding hand. "Seems you were a bit busy anyway." She said, casting a cold glare above the rim off her coffee cup. Catherine dropped heavily into a chair opposite.

"Nance..." She started, but her sister was not listening.

"She's suicidal Catherine. What the hell are you playing at?" she snapped, slamming her mug down on the table. Cath winced at the harshness in her voice.

"I know. I messed up alright." She conceded. "It wasn't meant to happen."

"Damn right it wasn't." Nancy agreed. "She's a mess right now. And did it slip your notice that she's a woman?" she asked, taking another mouthful of her coffee. Catherine quirked an eyebrow, unimpressed.

"Come on Nance, you're not that in the dark about my love life." She pointed out.

"I know, but...that was years ago. You don't...do you?" she asked, pulling a face. Cath chuckled dryly.

"It's not something I can switch off." They were quiet for a moment while Nancy absorbed this.

"Either way, you know that you cannot date her." The younger sister said at last. Catherine quirked an eyebrow, something which did not go unnoticed by the nurse. "No." She demanded.

"What?" Cath asked innocently.

"You cannot possibly be considering dating her." Catherine looked away, chewing the inside of her cheek. "Cathy." Nancy chastised. "You know what you have to do." Cath's blue eyes lifted from the table to meet her sister's.

"Look, Nance. It's sweet that you're looking out for her, it is. But I know what I'm doing. Just leave me to it." She said, her words clipped and more harsh than she'd intended.

They held each other's gaze for a long moment until Nancy broke the silence with a sigh and stood up.

"Fine, do what you will." She said, gathering her coat from the back of the chair, "but don't come to me for sympathy when it all goes wrong."

X x x

Catherine packed Lindsey off to her room for a while and slipped back into her own room, Nancy's words still reverberating in her head. Cath had been bluffing, and granted she had done it well, but it still did not help her with her dilemma. She could lie to her sister, and even to herself, but she couldn't lie to Sara.

Truth was, she didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know what she was going to do.

Sara was still asleep when she entered, but stirred when Cath stroked her hair gently.

"Hey, afternoon darling." She said softly. Sara mumbled something and rolled over so she could see her better.

"Hi." She whispered huskily.

"Lindsey's back." Cath explained when Sara noticed that she was fully dressed. She decided to miss the bit about Nancy for now.

Sara took her hand, linking their fingers together in the waves of the blanket. A shot of guilt ran through Catherine's heart. After everything she had said to herself, everything she had promised she was not going to do. And she had done them all. She had taken advantage of Sara.

"Babe," She started softly, stroking the back of Sara's hand. She was about to continue, but the bright, genuinely content look in Sara's eyes stopped her. With a sigh, she looked away. "Come on. I'll finish redressing these now." She mumbled, patting her wrist gently.

X x x

As she bound Sara's slim, delicate wrists with the thick white bandage she could still feel the girl shaking beneath her touch, but it was less obvious now than earlier.

"You regret it." Sara spoke softly, holding the cover against her chest tightly. Catherine halted her movements for a moment before continuing.

"No." She said at last. "I just..." She swallowed, gathering her thoughts. "I don't think it's something we should pursue." She said at last. Regardless of what she had said to Nancy, she knew that her sister had been right. Sara laughed dryly, looking away.

"Come on Cath, give me some credit. I'm not going to lose it if you turn me down." She said, misunderstanding.

"No, no ...its not that." She corrected. "Look, Sara. It's not that I don't want anything to happen. I just don't know if now is the right time."

"I understand." Sara mumbled sadly, looking away.

"Sara, I do like you. But..." She paused, struggling for words. "Do you think you could handle a physical, intimate relationship right now?" she asked. "Handle all the emotional baggage that comes with relationships. Lindsey?" Sara looked at her hard for a moment before glancing away, which was an answer in itself. "Exactly." Cath said softly. She finished what she was doing and stood up. Sara kept her gaze averted, trying to hide the tears that were stinging her eyes. Cath kissed her head softly. "Maybe one day. But not now." She whispered sadly.

X x x

"Why was Aunt Nancy angry with you?" Lindsey asked, dragging Cath's attention away from her book. She placed it on the couch and scooped Lindsey onto her lap.

"It's nothing baby, she was just annoyed because I forgot to tell her something." She lied.

"Is it about Sara?" The little girl tried again, scrunching up her nose. Cath sighed. There were times she wished her daughter was less observant.

"Yes, it's about Sara." She agreed, a thought popping into her head as she answered. "Why, what did she say?" She asked, readjusting the little girl so she could see her face better. Lindsey shrugged.

"She was angry that Sara was in your bed." Catherine froze.

"Linds, how did you know that Sara slept in my bed?"

"I saw you." She answered obviously. "I was looking for you but you were asleep." She played with Cath's necklace absently. Catherine nodded, trying to think back to waking up. She was pretty sure that her and Sara had both been adequately covered. "I don't know why. I slept in Jessica's bed at her sleepover." Lindsey continued, a confused frown etched into her little face. Sleepover, that's good. Cath thought.

"Yeah." She agreed. "Linds, Sara might be sleeping over for a little while longer. If that's okay?" She asked, dragging her bright eyes back up.

"Can I show her my new bike?" She asked excitedly. Catherine laughed, hugging her daughter close.

"Yes baby, you can show her your bike."


	28. Chapter 28

**Part of this chapter is taken from a scene between Catherine and Nick in s11e1 Shock Waves. Hope you like, let me know what you think **

**x x x x **

Catherine arrived home to a lively household. She closed the front door, a suspicious frown on her face at the sound of giggling that was emanating from the kitchen.

However, it disappeared when she saw the scene, replaced by a combination of joy and horror.

"What have you done to my kitchen, Sidle?" she asked, a hint of humour buried under mock seriousness. Sara smiled bashfully at her, whereas Lindsey was grinning like a Cheshire cat from the table.

"We made breakfast." She chirped, scuttling over to give Catherine a hug. Cath caught her batter covered hands just in time before they were planted on her clothes.

"I see that." She smiled, directing her sticky daughter to the sink.

"You are just in time." Sara announced, holding out a plate of what appeared to be freshly made strawberry pancakes. Cath raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at her lips.

"You made pancakes." She stated. Lindsey reappeared at her side and grinned up at her.

"We made cookies for later."

"Cookies?" Cath repeated, looking back at Sara. "I didn't know you were so domesticated. I would have had you doing the laundry." She joked. Sara stuck her tongue out playfully.

"Hey Linds, why don't you go get your pictures?" She suggested. Lindsey scampered off, the sound of her footsteps clattering ungracefully up the stairs. Catherine cleared some space on the kitchen table and sat down to eat her breakfast.

"Pictures?" She asked, finding a fork in amongst the mess of whisks, bowls and ingredients.

"We did some painting earlier." Sara explained. "Sorry about the mess, I'll clean it up." She promised, but Cath waved a disregarding hand.

"Don't worry about it. Kids are messy, you get used to it." She took a bite of her breakfast and chewed it thoughtfully, eyeing Sara up.

"So, you've had a busy morning then." She said nonchalantly. Sara shrugged. "Come on, I know how much energy Lindsey takes out of a person, you must be shattered."

"It's okay. I enjoyed it."

"Really?" Cath nearly choked. Sara blinked at her.

"What?" She asked defensively.

"Nothing," Cath backtracked. "You just didn't strike me as the maternal, family-girl type."

"I could be." Sara answered, her voice soft now. Catherine paused, her fork half way between her plate and her mouth. Slowly, she raised her gaze to Sara's.

"Look!" Lindsey squealed, materialising at Catherine's side with a pile of papers. Cath planted a smile on her face as she looked through them, and when her eyes flicked back up to see Sara's face, she was gone.

X x x

"You're quite the chef." Sara jumped at the voice behind her. She turned and found Catherine leaning against the doorframe of the guestroom.

"Thank you." She mumbled, turning back to continue her struggle. She was trying to get her shirt on, but it was not playing fair. Without a word, Cath sauntered over and took the garment, guiding Sara's arms into it gently.

"I thought we talked about it." She said, leaning closer to Sara's body as she helped her get dressed. Sara frowned over her shoulder at her, puzzled. "You and me." She clarified. "We can't...it wouldn't work out."

"How do you know, you never really gave us a chance." Sara mumbled, dropping onto the bed to finish dressing herself. Cath sighed and sat next to her.

"You really want this don't you?" she asked, interlinking their fingers. Sara nodded, keeping her eyes averted. "Babe, I meant what I said the other day. _Maybe_, one day. But right now..."

"I'm too damaged." Sara answered for her, her voice thick with emotion.

"That's not what I said." Cath chastised. "Honey, you know I love you. I just...think you need time to sort yourself out before you even think about dealing with a relationship." She kissed Sara's cheek lightly and stood up. "Lindsey had a great time with you. I hope you did too." She said softly, slipping out as silently as she arrived.

"I did." Sara answered to the empty room.

X x x

Catherine killed the engine and turned to her companion. Sara had barely said two words since they left the house.

"Are you sure you're ready for this? I can take you home if you're not."

"No." Sara said, keeping her gaze low. "I'm fine." Catherine scrutinised her for a moment.

"If you change your mind, you let me know." She said at last. She saw the girl nod imperceptibly and assumed that was the best answer she was going to get. "Good." She patted Sara's knee and got out of the car, feeling the stifling heat of the parking lot hit her.

Eventually, Sara followed.

X x x

"Sara!" Greg was on his feet before anyone else had even noticed the women arrive. He hugged Sara tightly, inhaling the scent of her hair. She was back.

"Hey Girl, you back on?" She nodded at Warrick when she finally managed to extricate herself from Greg. Grissom cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention.

"Guys, you've got a 419. Greg, back in your lab." He ordered. One by one they all left, but not before Nicky gave Sara a quick hug on his way out.

"What about me?" Sara asked hopefully when they were all gone. He gave her a brief once over.

"You're with us."

X x x

Catherine wasn't sure whether to hug or slap Grissom right now.

Sara had settled back into work perfectly fine, and was contentedly burying herself in the evidence right now, which was good. And bad.

The case they were working on was a long, difficult case with lots of evidence to analyse. They had been at it for nearly 12 hours before Catherine even realised what time it was, and it dawned on her that she had not see Sara since they got back to the lab.

And not only that, Ecklie had collared her in the hallway and asked her to pass a message on to Sara.

So now she really needed to find her.

X x x

Unsurprisingly really, she found the elusive brunette tucked away in her lab; her quiet corner of the busy department.

Catherine studied her from the doorway for a moment. Sara was sat at the table, papers scattered around her. She watched how Sara dropped her pen, winced and held her arm against her chest; gripping the bandaged wrist tentatively, a pained sigh escaping her lips.

"Go home Sara." The girl looked up, startled by the intrusion. "You're tired."

"No, I'm okay." She insisted, dropping her hand back into her lap. "Everybody's tired right." She attempted a smile.

"Everybody didn't attempt suicide last week." Cath pointed out, ambling over and resting her hands on the table. Sara laughed dryly, shaking her head, but Catherine was not laughing. "It's not funny." She said seriously. "I almost lost you. And I do not want to lose this case because you're maxed out." A shameful look crossed Sara's face. "You need to sit down with the department shrink."

"Oh come on." Sara gasped.

"It's mandatory after an incident like this." Cath stated, holding her gaze.

"Yeah, I know the rules, I..."

"It's not about the rules Sar. It's about you." She said, her voice cracking ever so slightly.

"You want me to waste time sat in front of a shrink instead of being here, helping with the case?" Sara decided to change tack, but it did not wash on Catherine.

"You cannot just John Wayne this like everything else." Sara looked away, refusing to answer. Catherine sighed. "You think that if you just work hard enough, if you focus completely on the cases, you won't have to think about it." She guessed; correctly judging by Sara's suspicious glance. "There isn't enough work in the world." Emotion began to creep into her voice as she spoke. "Sometimes we all need to talk to somebody." Sara picked up on the hidden message in Catherine's words.

"I never knew that about you." She said after a long pause, and Catherine realised what she had said. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"I'm good at hiding things." She explained at last. "Like you." She shrugged. "Just ask yourself this, okay?" She pulled a card out of her pocket and held it out to her colleague. "In an emergency, could you focus? Could you be there for your team? Would _you_ want you backing you up right now?" A look of sad realisation crossed Sara's face. Catherine placed a hand on her shoulder as she walked behind her. "Make that call."

X x x

"Hey." He looked up sharply at the timid voice.

"Hi." He beckoned her inside and gestured to the seat opposite his desk. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm...yeah." Sara answered slowly, her mind elsewhere.

"Did you see Dr Varsden?" He asked.

"Yeah. I just came from there." She answered. Grissom nodded.

"And?" He probed. She exhaled deeply.

"And, I don't think I'm ready to talk about it just yet." She said diplomatically. He scrutinised her for a moment.

"You look tired." He stated. She nodded slowly, biting her bottom lip. "Come on, I'll take you home." He offered, starting to stand up.

"No, it's okay. I'll wait for Catherine." She said. He sat back down slowly.

"Okay." He frowned, trying to think of something else to say. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sara's eyes beginning to close.

X x x

"Grissom." No answer. "Hey, Grissom!" Cath called again, and this time he stopped and turned around. "Have you seen Sara? I can't find her." She asked, her voice bordering on concern.

"She's in my office." He stated bluntly. Cath blinked at him.

"Oh." She said. "Well, I'm going to take her home." She went towards his office but he stopped her.

"No." He said. No anger, no authority, just a simple 'no'.

"I'm sorry?" Catherine stuttered. "No?"

"No. She's asleep." He elaborated.

"Yeah well I've spent the best part of a week watching her sleep." Cath rolled her eyes, walking around him and straight into his office. She could sense him stalking her inside and lingering in the doorway.

Catherine's icy glare melted into a soft smile when she laid eyes on her companion. Sara was curled up on the couch, one arm tucked under her head, the other wrapped around her stomach.

"Hey baby," She whispered, shaking her lightly. "Time to go home."

"Hmm?" Sara mumbled sleepily, scrunching her face up. Cath chuckled softly.

"Come on. Home time." She helped Sara sit back up, instantly noticing the card peeping out of her jeans pocket.

Although she didn't bring it up, she spent the rest of the journey home smiling to herself.

Sara had taken the first step.


	29. Chapter 29

"Ahem." Catherine poked her head around the door and cleared her throat. Omar Varsden, a handsome man of 40, glanced up and smiled, gesturing to the chair in front of his desk.

"Miss Willows," He greeted her warmly. "What can I do for you?" She pursed her lips, opting to remain standing.

"I understand you spoke to Sara Sidle today." Instantly his friendly expression turned sober.

"You know I can't talk about..." He started, but she cut him off.

"Oh, I know. I'm not interested in what was said," she assured him. "I just wanted to know if you thought she was okay?" She fidgeted awkwardly on the spot. He frowned at her suspiciously for a moment before his expression softened.

"She seems to be handling things surprisingly well." He said at last. Catherine nodded, relief swimming across her features. "Was that all?" He asked when she didn't speak again.

"Hmm? Well, actually there was something." She began. He quirked an eyebrow expectantly, waiting for her to spill. She pressed her hands to her lips in a prayer position, debating about her question. "I know it's out of your purview but ... I was wondering whether you think Sara could cope with a relationship right now." She stuttered out, sliding into the chair in front of her.

"What kind of relationship?" he asked, leaning back in his chair.

"Intimate. Physical." She chewed the inside of her cheek nervously as he thought about his answer.

"It's not an ideal time for her. However, providing there is a great deal of trust between her and the other person," he said tactfully, casting his glance over Catherine, "I don't think it would be a problem. As long as she did not feel pressured into anything and she could decide how fast things moved, I think she could probably handle it."

"Trust?" Catherine clarified.

"Sara needs to know that the people around her trust her not to do anything self-destructive. She acknowledges that she made a mistake and she's trying to rebuild her life, but she can't do that if she's being watched 24/7. And obviously she needs to feel safe with the people in her life."

"Yeah, of course." Cath nodded. "So, you wouldn't see a problem with her starting a relationship with someone." She reiterated. He sighed.

"I wouldn't recommend it, not at this stage. But, under the right circumstances I don't see that it would be detrimental to her recovery." Cath took a deep breath and nodded, letting his words sink in.

"Thank you." She said, standing up.

"Miss Willows." He called before she reached the door. "I understand Sara is staying with you at the moment?"

"That's right." He fished around in his drawer and pulled out a handful of flyers.

"Then perhaps you should take these." She took the accepted leaflets and flicked through them. _Depression, eating disorders, suicide_... "They might help you to understand what's going through her head."

X x x

"When's Sara going to be better?" Lindsey asked, dropping her spoon into her cereal bowl and fixing her mother with a curious look.

"Soon honey." Catherine answered absently, continuing to flick through the leaflets Dr Varsden had given her.

"But when?" Lindsey persisted. Cath raised her gaze to her daughter's.

"I don't know baby." She answered honestly. "Why?"

"Because she said she'd take me on a bike ride when she could."

"Oh." Cath chuckled softly. "She'll be able to go bike riding when her bandages come off sweetie. It'll only be a few more days." She promised, going back to her reading. Lindsey took a few more bites of her cereal, munching them thoughtfully.

"Mommy?" She asked.

"Mhmm?"

"What happened to Sara's hands?" Catherine froze. Truth be told, she had been expecting this, but it still came as a shock. What was she supposed to say? How do you explain attempted suicide to a seven year old.

Slowly, she rested her hands on the table and leant closer to her little girl.

"Baby...Sara had a lot of things going on in her life, and it made her very upset." She began, wondering how far to take this without saying too much, and without lying.

"Like I was when daddy died?" For the second time in as many minutes Cath felt the breath knocked out of her.

"Yeah, like that. But with lots of other things too." She continued. "You remember how hard you found it to deal with losing daddy?" Lindsey nodded. "Well Sara found it hard too, and she hurt herself because of it." She explained vaguely. "So now we have to take care of her to make sure she doesn't do it again." Many thoughts seemed to be passing through Lindsey's mind and Catherine was dreading finding out which one stuck. Finally, the little blonde shuffled out of her seat and wriggling onto Catherine's lap.

"She should stay here forever." She declared at last. "I would like that." Cath smiled, resting her chin on the top of Lindsey's head.

"Me too honey. Me too." She answered, her mind drifting elsewhere.

X x x

"Hey Cat?" Sara queried as the blonde redressed her wrists.

"Hmm?" She asked, swiping a damp ball off cotton wool over the healing wounds.

"How much does Lindsey know about what happened?" Cath paused, slowly lifting her gaze.

"Why?" She asked, trying to disguise the hitch in her voice.

"Earlier when I was reading that book to her, she asked me not to hurt myself again." She explained, studying Catherine's face carefully. Cath licked her lips nervously.

"I might have told her something this morning." She confessed. "I'm sorry; she asked about the bandages, I didn't know what to tell her."

"It's okay." Sara smiled softly. "To be honest I've been expecting her to ask since I got here." Cath nodded to indicate that she had too. She continued her work in silence, a question burning on her tongue until she couldn't take it anymore.

"Sara, are you happy here?" She asked, flicking her eyes up anxiously. Sara frowned. "It's just...last time you were here you seemed in kind of a hurry to get back to your apartment." Sara was about to answer but the older woman continued in a hurried voice. "I just don't want you to feel like you have to go back." Sara opened her mouth to speak but, again, Catherine did not give her chance. "I mean, I know you'll want to go back eventually. Not that you have to! I mean, if you wanted...I have no problem with you being here for as long as..." she stopped, taking a deep breath. Sara was smirking at her insane babbling. Cath released Sara's now bandaged wrist and stood up. "I'm going to go make some coffee and pretend I never opened my mouth."

X x x

Catherine rested her hands on the counter top, taking a deep, shaky breath. What had that been all about? Catherine Willows was a lot of things but she was not someone who struggled to get to the point. And she certainly did not babble!

The kettle whistled loudly and she poured it into a mug, letting the scent of freshly brewed coffee wash over her. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she never heard the front door open or the sound of a handbag being dropped into the lounge coffee table.

The first she knew of the presence in her house was a stern voice from the kitchen doorway.

"So, what's this I hear of you shacking up with some young dyke?"

**x x x x**

**Ooooh! Reviews make me write faster :)**


	30. Chapter 30

"Mom?" Catherine nearly choked on her coffee, whirling around so fast the room span.

"Your sister told me." Lily explained bluntly, walking around her daughter to help herself to the freshly made coffee.

"Nancy." Cath growled under her breath.

"So, who is she?" Lily asked, fixing Catherine with a stern look.

"Oh, nice to see Nancy went into details." She answered sarcastically. When her mother glared at her she sighed and continued. "It's Sara. From work? And I am not 'shacking up' with her, she's going through a rough time and she's staying with me while she deals with it."

"But you are sleeping with her?" The older woman asked, making herself comfortable at the kitchen table. Cath groaned and dropped into a seat opposite.

"It was once. And it was a mistake."

"A mistake? You accidentally fell into bed with her?" Cath rolled her eyes. "And I'm sure she put up a real fight." Lily added sarcastically.

"Mom!" Catherine chastised.

"What?" She asked innocently.

"Look, Sara is not like that. She's just kind of lost right now."

"Sara? The same Sara who attempted suicide a matter of days ago?"

"Yeah. That Sara."

"Catherine..." Lily said in that warning tone that Catherine had become oh so familiar with in her teenage years.

"I know what I'm doing." She snapped. Lily's eyes drifted down to the leaflets, still scattered across the table. Catherine winced as her gaze fell on the top one – living with depression.

And open to the page about relationships.

"It's not what it looks like." She said before Lily could ask.

"Catherine." She repeated slowly, quirking an eyebrow suspiciously. "I forbid you to date this woman." It was Catherine's turn to raise an eyebrow.

"You forbid me?" She repeated. Lily held her gaze.

"Catherine..."

"No, you don't get to tell me who I can and cannot date." The younger woman said, standing up.

"For one thing she is your colleague. _Younger_ colleague. And she is obviously not in a place for a relationship right now."

"You don't know that." She frowned. "She's doing okay." Lily stood up and walked slowly to the door. There, she stopped and turned.

"Catherine I am telling you this for your own good." She said calmly. "You cannot date her."

X x x

"Where's Sara?" Grissom asked, jogging to catch up with the speed-walking blonde.

"At home. She was tired so I left her sleeping."

"Is she okay alone?" He frowned.

"She's not alone. Lindsey's there. And besides she has my number if she needs it."

"Catherine..." He began but she stopped him, holding up her hands.

"She doesn't need watching round the clock. She'll be fine for a few hours."

"That's not what I was going to say." He scowled. "Why did you take her away last night?" She stopped and turned to him, running a hand through her hair.

"She was tired Grissom, she needed to get some sleep."

"She was sleeping." He pointed out bluntly.

"On your couch! She needed to be at home."

"Yeah, your home!" Grissom shouted, gaining the attention of several nearby lab rats. Catherine opened and closed her mouth.

"I'm sorry?" She stuttered.

"Ever since this happened you can't seem to stay away from her."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Catherine you can't get too close, we can't risk her getting too attached to you. She won't be able to manage on her own when she goes back to her flat."

"Well maybe she doesn't have to go back." The words slipped out before she could contain them.

"What?" He questioned, his blue eyes narrowing. "Catherine..."

Before he could finish she threw her hands up and sighed exasperatedly.

"God, you sound like my mother!" She huffed, strutting down the hallway, leaving a baffled bugman in her wake.

X x x

"You look like you need this." Brass said, handing her the small glass tumbler. Cath's only answer was a tired groan as she dropped into the seat opposite him. They didn't speak for a few minutes, letting the hot liquid slip down their throats. "So how is she?"He asked at last.

"She's doing okay. She's...I don't know." She answered honestly. Brass just nodded.

"It's gonna take some time, she's got a lot to deal with."

"Yeah. I know, I just..." she stumbled, losing her train of thought. "Why does this have to be so complicated?" She whined, sliding her shot glass across the desk and dropping her head onto her hands despondently.

"Hey, it'll work out. She'll get through this eventually." The detective assured her, leaning across the desk towards her sympathetically.

"I don't know what I'm doing." She sighed, lifting her head back up wearily. "I screwed up Jim, I..."

Her exhausted confession was cut short by the trilling of a phone. She looked down and unclipped her phone off her belt.

"Hello." She answered tiredly. Brass watched her expression change almost instantly to one of shock. "What?"

'What?' He mouthed but she ignored him.

"Sara's at home Gil." She said hurriedly. Brass barely caught what Grissom was saying but gathered that Sara had been to see the shrink. The look on Catherine's face pretty much summed up the rest.

"What do you mean you lost her!"


	31. Chapter 31

Brass could not have left his chair faster if it had burst into flames beneath him. In a heartbeat he was by Catherine's side, leaning in to hear Grissom's panicked voice on the other end of the line.

"_She came in to see the shrink about something, and she came into my office for a minute. The she just took off. I can't find her!"_ Jim could practically see him pacing circles around his office as he babbled down the phone.

"I'm on my way, just stay there!" Catherine barked at him, snapping her cell shut. She ran one hand though her hair, grabbing her bag with the other. "We need to..."

"I'll drive." Brass finished for her, already holding the door open.

X x x

"What happened Gil?" Brass asked as soon as he laid eyes on the entomologist.

"She just ran off." He said hurriedly, pointing aimlessly down the hallway.

"What happened?" Catherine repeated Jim's question. Grissom took a deep breath.

"She came in to see the shrink, and I called her into my office to talk to her."

"About what?" The blonde demanded.

"Just about...everything." He answered vaguely. "And then she just took off."

"For no reason?" Brass asked, eyeing him sceptically. "Did she say anything?"

"Just that she needed space." Grissom rubbed his hands through his hair anxiously. "I've got the guys checking the labs; Wendy checked the women's bathroom, she's not in there." He rattled off, but Catherine wasn't listening. Without a word she took off down the hallway, leaving the men in her wake.

X x x

"How did you find me?" Sara asked without turning around. She didn't need to, she knew who it was.

"I know you." Catherine answered simply, ambling over. Sara was leaning against the railings, her back to the blonde, looking out over the sparkling lights of Las Vegas. "Grissom said you were missing. You always come to the roof to think, I thought I'd find you up here." She matched Sara's position, resting her elbows on the cold iron railings.

"Lindsey's with Nancy." Sara said, still not tearing her eyes away from the horizon.

"I know, I called her." Cath nodded, watching Sara out of the corner of her eye. Despite her relaxed stance, the brunette looked tense.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled at last. Cath turned to face her fully, leaning her hip against the bars, and crossed her arms over her chest against the cool morning breeze.

"For what?" She asked, genuinely unsure.

"For running off. I know it doesn't solve anything." Sara sighed, folding her arms along the railing and resting her chin on them despondently.

"Then why did you?" Catherine asked, keeping her voice non-accusing. Merely curious.

"I only came in to see Dr Varsden. Grissom collared me in the hallway and called me in for a chat." She explained. "He kept asking me all these questions, and I just...I needed him to stop. There's only so much counselling I can take in one day." She half joked.

"What was he asking?" Cath pressed, trying to contain the annoyance at Grissom in her voice.

"It doesn't matter." Sara mumbled. Catherine was tempted to push the issue further but Sara looked far too tired to deal with this all right now.

"You didn't get much sleep?" She asked, although she already knew the answer. Sara shook her head silently, her eyes still fixed on the lights. Cath rested a hand on her back, rubbing it in gentle circles. "Come on, I'll take you home." She offered softly.

She carefully took Sara's hand, cold from the railings, and led her to the door. They barely got down the stairs onto the top floor of the lab when Grissom materialised in front of them, followed closely by Brass.

"Are you alright?" He asked hurriedly, giving her a once over.

"She's fine." Catherine answered for her. "She's going home."

Giving him no chance to question them further, Catherine gave a gentle tug on Sara's hand and they disappeared into the busy halls.

X x x

Catherine raised an eyebrow at Sara.

"Whatever it's telling you it's lying." Sara grumbled, scowling at the thermometer in the blonde's hand.

"Well we could always take it the other way." Cath said pointedly. She placed it on the coffee table and tucked the blanket tighter around Sara. "If you will go loitering on rooftops in next to nothing." She mumbled as she did.

"I needed some air." Sara answered tiredly, curling up further on the couch. Cath sat back down on the coffee table, fixing her with a concerned look.

"Sara?" She questioned, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of brunette hair behind her ear.

"Hmm?" Sara hummed, her eyes starting to drift closed.

"What did Grissom ask you when you were in his office?" Suddenly Sara's eyes were open again, regarding Catherine warily.

"Nothing important." She answered loosely.

"Well it was important enough for you to run off." Cath countered, resting her elbows on her knees. Sara sighed, shuffling into a more upright position.

"Cat, seriously, it was nothing to worry about." She promised.

"I am worried." Catherine said, holding her gaze firmly. Sara looked away, and when she looked back up the older woman was still staring at her; that motherly concern clear in her blue eyes.

"He asked about us." Sara conceded at last.

"Us?" Cath frowned, not following.

"You and me. Our 'relationship'." She clarified. "He wanted to know about ... my feelings for you. About what ... what had happened." She said bashfully, staring resolutely at the blanket draped over her. Catherine swallowed down her instinctive reaction, trying to maintain some element of calm.

"What did you tell him?" She asked eventually.

"That you and I aren't an item." She mumbled. "That nothing's happened. He just kept asking and I ... I needed to get out of there." She confessed. Cath reached over and took her hand loosely.

They sat like that for a while before Catherine released her grip and started tidying up around the living room before Lindsey finished school.

"Your mother doesn't like me does she." Sara mumbled after a few minutes. Cath froze, her hands poised over the TV remote. She turned, an apologetic look on her face.

"You heard that." She stated. Sara nodded, a tight smile tugging at her lips.

"Yeah. You, uh, you guys weren't exactly arguing quietly."

"Sorry." Catherine muttered, sitting next to her on the couch. "Honey, it's not you that she's got a problem with, she's just got the wrong end of the stick entirely." She paused, sending Sara a sideways glance. "Does that have something to do with why you disappeared?" Sara shrugged, looking away. "Oh Sara, sweetie, don't worry about her. I want you here, and so does Lindsey." She promised. Sara didn't look exactly convinced so Catherine kissed her cheek softly, gaining her full attention. "Hey, I didn't do what my mother told me to when I was 15, what makes you think I'm going to start now?"


	32. Chapter 32

**Thanks for sticking with it, not long to go :) Let me know what you think x**

**x x x x**

"And Miss Brown let us paint..."

"Honey, swallow your food first." Catherine chastised.

"Sorry." Lindsey mumbled around her mouthful of pasta and swallowed hard. "She let us paint our favourite animals."

"What did you paint?" Sara asked, automatically wiping pasta sauce from the side of Lindsey's mouth as she did so.

"A horse." She smiled, taking another bite of her dinner. "It's called Sparkle. Can I show you?" She asked excitedly.

"After dinner Linds." Cath said. The little girl nodded in understanding, going back to her meal.

They ate in companionable silence after that, until Lindsey finished munching down her food.

"Can I go get Sparkle now?" She asked as politely as she could, placing her fork gently on her empty plate. Catherine nodded to the door, a smile creeping onto her face. Lindsey scuttled off, leaving Cath and Sara to share a chuckle at her excitement. Sara shook her head, smiling softly to herself as she stacked the plates and took them to the sink. Catherine watched her motions, so fluid and natural.

"You're looking better." She commented gently. Sara turned, a soft frown etched into her features. "Since you've been back at work. You look ... you look good." Cath smiled. Sara matched her expression, a soft blush creeping onto her cheeks. The brunette opened her mouth to speak but the patter of little feet stopped her.

"Wow." Catherine gasped exaggeratedly at Lindsey's multicoloured pony.

"Have you ever been horse riding Lindsey?" Sara asked, leaning over the table to see the picture. The little girl shook her head. "One day I'll take you to California to where I used to ride." She saw the miniature blonde's eyes light up, a wide smile breaking out on her little face. Catherine couldn't help but match her daughter's expression, her eyes drifting automatically to Sara's face.

As soon as Lindsey scampered back off to her room Catherine stood up and ambled over to where Sara had resumed washing up. She placed a gentle hand on the young woman's back and leant in to whisper in her ear.

"She'll hold you to that you know."

X x x

"You gonna stand there all day?" Catherine almost dropped her mug as the soft voice infiltrated the fog in her mind. Sara tore her gaze away from the pages of her book to raise an eyebrow at Catherine, mild amusement playing on her face. Cath smiled shyly and shuffled over to join her on the couch.

"Sorry, I was just...thinking." She explained vaguely, placing her coffee on the table.

"About?" Sara asked, putting her book down and curling back into the cushions. Catherine regarded her for a moment.

"You." She answered at last. "You look ... you look good." She said, smiling as that blush crept onto Sara's cheeks again. "There's still a long way to go though." She pointed out softly, looking down.

"I know." Sara nodded. "But I'm getting there. Slowly." She said; taking a deep, reassuring breath. Catherine smiled, shuffling closer.

"Good." She whispered, draping an arm around Sara's shoulders and nuzzling her face softly.

X x x

"Do you remember it?" Catherine asked out of the blue, barely even aware she had spoken. She had absently been drawing circles on Sara's shoulder, the image of that scar forever burned into her memory. Sara had relaxed into her embrace but apart from that they hadn't moved in nearly an hour.

"No." Sara mumbled softly, looking away. Cath flicked her eyes to Sara's face. She cupped her cheek, making her meet her gaze.

"It wasn't your fault. None of it was your fault." She said seriously, her blue eyes burning into Sara's brown ones.

"I know." Sara whispered at last, willing herself not to cry. Catherine watched her internal struggle, seeing for the first time what Sara had been fighting her whole life. Not her parents, or the system or even Grissom.

Herself. Her own, raw emotions.

And finally, she knew.

Without warning, she captured Sara's quivering lips with her own. Sara didn't move at first, but when Catherine tried to change their position, pressing her body against Sara's, the brunette pulled away and stood up, walking across the room.

"Sara?" Cath questioned, confusion evident in her expression.

"I can't." Sara muttered, pacing in front of the fireplace. "I can't do it all again just to get shot down again." Catherine stood and walked slowly up to her. She gently took hold of Sara's hand, turning her around to face her. Tears were building in Sara's eyes as her defences started to crumble. Catherine kissed her again, soft and sweet this time.

"I'm sorry." She mumbled against Sara's lips. "I'm sorry I hurt you. But its different now." She promised, tugging Sara's hand lightly. "Let me show you..."

X x x

Sara stirred and tried to roll over, but something was holding her in one place. She twisted her head and smiled as the events of the evening came back to her. She felt Catherine sigh against her neck and the grip around her middle tightened as the blonde started to wake up. Sara smiled as she felt Catherine stretch, arching her back, pressing her stomach into Sara as she did, and then curled back up against her.

"Sleep well?" A husky voice mumbled in her ear.

"Very well." Sara replied, shifting so she could see Catherine's face better. "I thought you said we couldn't do this?" She asked softly; thrilled, but more than a little curious about this turn of events.

"Shut up." Cath mumbled, shuffling until she was comfy with Sara's new position.

"You don't like being proven wrong do you?" Sara grinned, until Catherine's knee landed in a rather sensitive area. "Ow!" She jumped, scowling at the woman. Cath lifted her head and smiled at her lazily.

"No, I don't." she kissed Sara's lips softly, rolling over so she was on top of her. "But I was wrong about this." Her hands glided up Sara's sides, barely teasing her breasts, before sliding into her unruly brown curls. Her lips claimed Sara's, her tongue gently familiarising itself with Sara's mouth. Sara let her take control, enjoying the feeling of being helpless against the blonde. Her hands settled on Catherine's back, holding her close.

When they pulled apart Catherine smiled down at her and placed a kiss on her nose before rolling off and hauling herself into a seated position, holding the blanket against her chest as she fumbled on the bedside table for her watch.

"So, not wanting to sound like a soap opera here but, what is this?" Sara asked, leaning one elbow on the pillow, head in her hand. Cath looked down at her, puzzled.

"What?" She asked.

"This. You and me. I just...if it's not..."

"It is." Catherine cut her off.

"You didn't know what I was going to say." Sara said with a hint of amusement.

"You're scared I'm going to change my mind. I'm not." Cath promised, running a hand through Sara's hair. "I know things haven't been easy, and I know that there's still a long way to go."

"Please tell me there's a but." Sara frowned.

"But," Catherine emphasised with a soft smile, "we'll get through it. Together." Her heart tightened when Sara looked down, staring at the sheets. "If you still want to, of course." She added quickly, trying to glimpse Sara's face. To her relief, when Sara did look up she was smiling.

"I do."


	33. Chapter 33

**One more to go :) Thanks for all the reviews guys x**

**x x x x **

"Hey, have you guys noticed anything different about Sara recently?" Warrick asked as he hung his jacket up in his locker. Nick turned to him, leaning his back against his own locker.

"You know, I was thinking the same thing. She looks ... I don't know, brighter." He said. Greg kept his back to the group, an amused smile playing on his lips. It was true, Sara did look better. And he knew why.

"Maybe she's doing better. You know, she's still seeing that counsellor right? Maybe she's starting to deal with everything." Nick suggested.

"Yeah." Warrick agreed. "You know, I never pictured her as someone who would ... break down. You know, she's always so tough." He paused, running a hand though his hair. "She's our girl, right." Nick took a deep breath.

"Yeah. She's getting there though." He nodded encouragingly. "She's going to be fine." They shared a moment of contemplative silence before shuffling out, patting Greg on the back on their way out.

He remained where he was for a moment longer, a satisfied smile on his face. No one had told him, he just knew. And the funniest thing was, Nick and Warrick would never figure it out.

X x x

"How's Sara doing?" Doc Robbins asked casually, dragging the scalpel down the body in front of him.

"She's seems to be doing better. From what I can tell." Grissom answered with a sigh.

"Yeah, I bet Catherine's taking good care of her." Doc chuckled. "I bet Sara's going crazy."

"You think so?" Grissom asked curiously.

"I think Catherine's will be keeping a close eye on her." Al stated, turning his attention back to his cadaver.

X x x

"Sara, could I see you for a moment." Grissom called her into his office, holding the door open for her as she slinked past him.

"What's up?" She asked when he closed the door and perched on the edge of his desk.

"I just wanted to check how you were doing. You seem ... you seem good." He stammered.

"I am." She nodded, a soft smile creeping onto her face.

"You're still seeing the counsellor?" He asked. She pursed her lips.

"Yeah, for the time being." She nodded.

"And, uh, how're things at Catherine's?" His attempt to sound nonchalant was about as good as Sara's attempt to hide her smile.

"Good, they're ... they're good." She nodded. "She's been really great; I don't know what I'd do without her."

Grissom eyed her sceptically.

"Hmm." He nodded. "Well, you know that if ever you need to talk to anyone, I'm here." He offered.

"Thanks." She turned to leave, sending him a grateful smile from the doorway.

X x x

"You paged?" Grissom looked up, giving Catherine a once over. She was leaning casually against his doorframe, her arms folded across her chest defensively.

"Yes." He gestured to the chair across from him but she opted to remain standing. "I talked to Sara today."

"I know, she told me." Cath answered simply.

"She did?" Grissom raised an eyebrow, thrown off guard. "Um, well, she said she's doing fine, I just wondered what you thought."

"She's doing okay." Cath nodded. "I mean, there's still a long way to go, but all in all, she's doing pretty good."

"Good." Grissom nodded. "So, you think she'll be ready to go back home soon?" Cath chewed the inside of her cheek. This was actually something that she had wanted to discuss with the brunette herself.

"I'm going to let her decide when she's ready." She answered at last. Grissom didn't exactly look thrilled at her answer but let it drop. "Was that all?" She asked when he didn't reply. He opened his mouth to say something else, but seemed to decide against it and waved a disregarding hand towards her.

"Yeah, that's all."

X x x

Catherine snuck back into her own office and perched on the edge of the couch. Sara stirred, a soft frown on her face. She scrunched up her nose tiredly, curling into a ball. Cath emitted a soft laugh.

"Hey, how're you feeling?" She asked, brushing Sara's unruly curls aside. Sleepy dark eyes blinked open.

"I'm okay." She mumbled, twisting her body until she could reach Catherine's hand, holding it against her chest as she attempted to drift back off. Cath leant down so her left hand was submerged in Sara's hair and her head was resting on Sara's shoulder.

"You're tired today." She stated obviously.

"I'm okay." Sara promised. "Just been a long shift."

"Mhmm." Cath agreed, letting her eyes drift closed for a moment. "Move in with me." She whispered softly.

Sara didn't answer. But a contented little smile tugged at her lips.

X x x

When Cath's eyes opened she nearly jumped out of her skin.

The figure hovering over her raised an eyebrow and moved to sit in her desk chair.

"Well, this explains why you weren't answering your phone." Lily said with a sigh, making herself comfortable. Catherine sat up, disentangling herself from Sara, who was still fast asleep.

"What are you doing here? Where's Lindsey?" Cath asked, standing up to stretch her muscles.

"She's at a sleepover." Lily said. "As are you, it seems."

"We were just taking a break." Cath explained, dropping into the seat opposite her desk. She had to say it felt strange being on this side of her own desk.

"I see." Lily nodded sceptically. "Lindsey said that you to were together, I didn't believe it so I came to ask you, but apparently she was right." Cath winced. They hadn't exactly told Lindsey but apparently she had figured it out anyway.

"Mom..." Catherine began.

"I thought I made myself clear."

"You did." Cath sighed, running a hand through her hair. "But it doesn't matter. I love ..." she paused, glancing over her shoulder to check the door was closed. "I love Sara and I'm not giving her up."

"Even after everything I said."

"Look, when you and Sam got back together you told me that one day I would understand." Catherine reminded her. "Well, you were right."

"Catherine, me and Sam are completely different..."

"You love him. Despite all of his faults you will always love him." Catherine held her mother's gaze, letting the words find themselves. "I admit Sara's not perfect, and I know that things are not going to be easy for us. But me and her, we're doing fine. And I am not going to risk losing her again. I need her." For a long moment Lily didn't speak. Finally, she stood up and walked around the desk, casting her eyes over Sara's sleeping form. Her gaze lingered on the scars peeking out from her long sleeves, before she walked slowly to the door. She held it open, turning back to her daughter.

"I hope she's worth it Catherine."

As the door closed, Cath sighed, her eyes seeking out Sara.

"She is." She answered to the silent room.

X x x

"Cat?" Sara questioned, leaning against the car door while the blonde rummaged in her jumble sale of a handbag for her keys.

"Hmm?" Cath answered, a frustrated frown etched into her features.

"What you said, in your office...about moving in?" Catherine stopped her motions, lifting her gaze to meet Sara's.

"Sar, about that. I..."

"Let's do it."

"What?" Catherine blinked. "You...you want to?"

"Do you?" Sara asked nervously, suddenly afraid she had jumped the gun. Catherine's face broke out in a wide smile. She dropped her bag carelessly onto the roof of the car and rushed around to Sara's side, wrapping her arms around the startled girl.

"I'd love to." She pressed her lips to Sara's, momentarily forgetting that they were still in the lab parking lot.

"Really?" Sara asked again, needing to make sure. Cath grinned and claimed her lips once more.

"Really." And pressed her nose to Sara's, giggling softly. "And this doesn't change what I said last night. You and me, we can take it as slow or as fast as you want to go." She promised. "I just ... I don't want you to go." She grinned. Sara pulled her into a hug, inhaling the invigorating scent of coconut.

"You just want to keep tabs on me." She joked, feeling her heart settle for the first time in her whole life.


	34. Chapter 34

**Finished! And an extra long chapter just for being so patient. Hope you all enjoyed, thanks so much for reading and reviewing. **

**Leave me a message, let me know what you thought :) x**

**x x x x**

"You've been dodging me." Ecklie declared, sauntering into Grissom's office unannounced.

"I've been busy." Grissom mumbled, resolutely staring at his screen. Ecklie pulled a face that said he didn't believe him and sat down.

"How's Sara doing?" He asked innocently. Grissom stopped typing and glanced up, one eyebrow quirked.

"Why?" He asked suspiciously.

"Why what? I just want to know. I am in charge of the lab you know, I need to know that the people in it are all ... competent." He smiled that trademark smarmy smile.

"She's doing fine." Grissom said, his expression unreadable. Ecklie's eyes narrowed imperceptibly, but other than that he maintained his calm demeanour.

"Yeah, I bet Catherine's being a big help to her." He smirked. Grissom's lips twitched.

"I guess." He nodded.

"An intimate relationship might be just what she needs right now." Ecklie continued, ignoring the wide-eyed look Grissom gave him. "I mean, I will have to talk to them about the rules of dating colleagues, but I'm sure we can work something out." He smiled innocently at Grissom. "Right?"

X x x

"Catherine!" Grissom barked, storming into the break room. The blonde jumped, turning in her seat to blink at him.

"Yes?" She queried calmly.

"What the hell are you doing?" He demanded, looming over her. Her eyes flicked to the boys, watching from across the room, and back to Grissom.

"Right now?" She asked, not understanding.

"You and Sara." He spelt it out for her slowly. Her eyes widened and her mouth formed an 'oh'; no words escaping.

"You know about that?" She asked sheepishly.

"Yes. And what makes it worse is I had to hear about it from Ecklie." He snapped, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Ecklie knows?" Cath asked, scrunching up her face.

"Yes. Apparently he saw you two ... getting close... in the parking lot." Cath's mind flashed back to that morning, a light blush creeping onto her cheeks.

"Oh." She whispered at last.

"What do you mean?" Nick interrupted, a deep frown etched into his forehead.

"I think it means that Cath's been handing out her own kind of medicine." Warrick filled in. Cath sighed, raising her eyes brows. It took a whole minute before Nick's expression changed from one of confusion to realisation, to something she couldn't quite read.

"Oh." He said, scrunching up his nose. "You ... you and Sara." He stuttered. "Cath, don't you think that's overstepping the line a bit?" He asked, his disapproval clear in his voice.

"I'm sorry?" She asked, taken aback.

"Yeah, I mean, she's barely got the bandages off. Don't you think you let her sort her head out before bedding her?" Warrick backed Nick up. Catherine opened and closed her mouth a few times.

"We're doing fine. She's happy." She stammered quietly. She hadn't exactly been expecting them to whip out the champagne when they found out, but she didn't think they'd accuse her of taking advantage of Sara.

"And what happens when it all goes wrong?" Nick asked. "When you guys break up. For God's sake Cath, she's already tried to..." he trailed off, but they all knew what he meant.

"She won't...it won't go wrong." Cath promised, her voice trembling slightly against her will.

"Cath..." Warrick started.

"She's right." All eyes turned to the door, where Greg had materialised from nowhere. "It's what Sara wanted. It's what she's always wanted."

The boys' frowned, letting Greg's words sink in. Grissom's expression was not pleased, but Catherine didn't notice. Something had just clicked.

"_Sara's wants to be with her."_

"_Just...give her a chance."_

"You knew." She whispered.

X x x

"How are you coping with everything?" Doc asked before Sara could scamper off. She nodded slowly, a content smile creeping onto her face.

"I'm doing okay."

"Good." Doc smiled, giving her a once over. "You look better." He nodded at last. She smiled, turning once again to leave, and once again his voice held her back. "Love can do a lot of things." She turned slowly, quirking an eyebrow. "Sometimes that one person is the only thing it takes to save someone. Hell, I should know." He chuckled dryly, gesturing to his cane. "It's good that you're giving her a chance. That's all love needs; a chance." Doc smiled, a soft sigh escaping his lips, and went back to his work, leaving Sara to slip out with a puzzled frown on her face.

X x x

She got half way to her destination when Nick and Warrick pounced on her in the hallway.

"Hey, how's things at chez Willows?" Nick asked as obviously as the wide-eyed expression on his face.

"They're fine." Sara answered suspiciously. "Better than fine, actually." She said, testing her theory.

"Yeah? So, you're happy there?" Warrick asked, draping an arm around her shoulders casually. "Because if you're not, or if something's not right ... you can tell us." He promised.

"Everything's good guys." She swore, disentangling herself from them and swinging herself into the first room on her left.

X x x

Catherine looked up sharply when her office door was slammed shut. Her surprise turned to a wide smile when she saw her guest.

"Hey." She greeted brightly.

"Hi." Sara replied, watching the guys shake their heads and disappear down the hallway through the door.

"What's wrong?" Cath asked, concern edging its way into her voice.

"Do people know about us?" Sara asked, waving a hand in the general direction of the rest of the lab. Catherine slowly took her glasses off, lifting her eyes to Sara's.

"Oh, yeah. That." She pursed her lips. "They might do."

"Why?" Sara asked slowly, sitting down opposite the desk.

"Ecklie."

"Ecklie knows?" Sara blinked.

"Yeah, he saw us making out in the parking lot." Cath explained, pushing herself out of her seat and making her way around the desk to settle herself on Sara's lap. Sara rested her head against Cath's shoulder pensively for a moment.

"The boys don't seem to happy about it." She said at last.

"Why, what did they say?" Cath asked, sweeping a strand of Sara's hair aside.

"They were just asking me if I was happy." She frowned.

"Are you?" Catherine asked softly.

"Of course." Sara replied instantly. The older woman smiled and kissed her forehead softly.

"Good." She whispered, moving her lips down to Sara's ear, her cheek, and finally her lips.

"Well, it seems everywhere I go you two are making out like teenagers!"

X x x

Catherine jumped at the unexpected intruder. To her surprise, he looked more amused than angry. He ignored their matching deer-in-the-headlights look and continued.

"I'm assuming this relationship is new." He guessed. They both nodded, not quite managing to form words. "Good. I've spoken to Grissom and to Dr Varsden: as of now, you two are on three month probation. You are not to sign off on any cases of Sara's, they go to Gil. And obviously you will behave ... respectably at work." He explained bluntly.

"Probation?" Cath queried.

"If you two working together doesn't work out one of you will have to move to swing." He answered. "So..?"

"It'll work." Sara answered instantly. The balding man straightened up.

"Good. Glad we're on the same page." And with that, he strutted out, even having the decency to close the door behind him. Alone again, Catherine squealed and pecked Sara's lips.

"I love you." She mumbled softly into the kiss.

X x x

"You both staying on side?" Warrick's smooth voice infiltrated her thoughts.

"Yeah," she spun her chair round to face him. "well, we're on probation for the time being." Warrick nodded, ambling into the room.

"Me and Nick were just talking to Mandy, and she said Sara told her that you guys are moving in together."

"That's right." Cath confirmed coolly.

"So, this is serious?"

"I love her Rick." Cath stated, shrugging her shoulders. He laughed softly.

"Yeah, by the sound of it the feelings mutual." She frowned, not following.

"Mandy said something about Sara taking Lindsey to California to go horse riding."

"Yeah, she was talking about booking a trip at Easter."

"You don't offer to take your girlfriend's kid on holiday unless its serious."

"Talking from personal experience there?" she joked. He chuckled softly, but his laugh died down quickly.

"Seriously Cath, we're sorry. We were just..."

"It's okay." She cut him off. "You were looking out for her." She smiled. He matched her expression.

"Good luck. You guys make a beautiful couple." He stood up, patting her shoulder softly as he drifted out as silently as he had arrived.

X x x

"How is Sara?" Cath turned to the door, her hands still submerged in her locker.

"She's okay." Cath nodded. "She's dealing."

"She's still seeing the counsellor?"

"Yeah, twice a week, She's just finishing a session with him now." She nodded, rummaging in her bag for her keys.

"And ... you two are ..." he swallowed. "You're okay?"

"We're great Gil." She promised him. "Look, I know you don't agree with this, along with half the lab I imagine. But it's happening, and you need to accept that." She said softly. He nodded, a look crossing his face that she assumed meant he was taking her words in.

"I just don't think she's ready." He mumbled. Cath sighed.

"You know, Sara's tougher than you think. And she's capable of making her own mind up. If she didn't want this, she had every opportunity to say no." He blinked at her, taken aback. She tried again, softer this time. "We're taking it slow. And she's happy, she said it herself."

"Hey," a gentle voice spoke from behind. They both turned to a smiling Sara. She was calm, contented. She looked healthy. "Ready to go?" She asked. Cath nodded, slinging her bag onto her shoulder.

On her way past Grissom she placed a hand on his arm. "Hey, why don't you come for dinner on Friday? Lindsey would love to see you." He paused, looking between the two women, before nodding almost imperceptibly.

X x x

"Man, what a month, huh?" Brass asked, plonking his beer on the table as he dropped heavily into the seat.

"Yeah, I don't think my heart could take another episode like that." Doc agreed, sipping his own beer.

"Well don't worry about that. No one's going to let it get that far again."

"No, Catherine will be onto her like a hawk if she so much as cracks a nail." The two men shared a soft chuckle before drifting into a comfortable silence.

"So when did you work it out?" Brass asked at last.

"Sara and Catherine? I've always had suspicions but the Debbie Marlon case was the clincher for me." Doc answered. Brass nodded, swallowing a mouthful of his drink. "You?" The detective grinned.

"The airplane case, 2000."

Before Doc could query this, a subdued, awkward-looking man shuffled over. Both men looked up, not quite believing that he had actually taken them up on their offer. Brass stood up, pulling up another seat.

"Beer?"

X x x

Catherine tossed her keys on the table, shedding her jacket and kicking her shoes off simultaneously. Sara ambled into the kitchen, the door creaking in the quiet as she swung through it. Cath pressed the flashing button on the answering machine and a familiar voice filled the silence.

'Hi Cathy, It's mom. Um, I just wondered if you and Sara would like to join me and Sam for dinner tonight. Nancy said she can look after Linds. It's 7 o clock, at the Orpheus. Um, let me know.'

When Sara wandered back into the lounge Catherine was smiling at her manically.

"What's wrong?" Sara asked, slightly concerned. Catherine shook her head, walking over to wrap her arms around Sara's neck.

"Nothing baby." She pecked Sara's lips softly. "Nothing at all."

X x x

Catherine rolled over, her hand landing naturally on Sara's chest. She could tell instantly by the brunette's breathing that she was awake.

"What's wrong love?" She asked sleepily, not opening her eyes.

"Nothing." Sara mumbled, interlinking her hand with Catherine's. Cath played with her slender fingers absently, a content little smile on her face. "They're never going to go away." Sara whispered at last. Cath opened her eyes, leaning up on one elbow to look down at Sara.

"What aren't?" She questioned.

"My scars." Sara answered, her eyes automatically seeking out her own wrists, although they both knew that the marks she was talking about ran much deeper than that. "No matter what I do, I'm always going to have them. They're going to be the first thing that anybody sees. Faults, marks." Her voice was barely a whisper now. "Scars."

Catherine rolled over, using her body as a blanket over Sara's, and kissed her lips tenderly. She pulled back, staring deep into Sara's hazel eyes.

"What scars?"

**~Fin~**


End file.
